


Do you remember Prohibition?

by boleyn13



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: 20th Century, Alternate Universe - Human, Crimes & Criminals, Developing Relationship, Forgery, Gen, Immortality, Jealousy, M/M, Pining, Prohibition, Shapeshifting, Superpowers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-08-20
Packaged: 2020-02-10 13:00:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 35,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18660922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boleyn13/pseuds/boleyn13
Summary: "These were our secrets. I can’t get hurt and I don’t age. He can be anybody at any time. Actually I don’t know if I have ever seen his real face. I am trying to find him and sometimes he’ll leave me a trail of breadcrumbs. He just did so a few days ago. We both know that it was him. So I went there, checking out his message and it was… somewhat cruel? Anyway, now I am here, drowning my sorrows, which is immensely ironic, thinking about him and there are you. I cannot help wondering if you are actually him."Steve and Natasha are trying to hunt down a notorious forger. They are not making a lot of progress and less interested in putting a criminal behind bars than to find someone again he lost almost 50 years ago. He has no idea though what he might do if he should actually find him again.





	1. Back when I first met you

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everybody,
> 
> I had this idea for a short story, just a couple of chapters. Check this one out and tell me what you think, then I'll see how quickly I will continue it :)
> 
> Have fun

_France, 1917_

_“Turns out you were incredibly lucky, Rogers. Whatever hit you definitely wasn’t a bullet. It is a nasty bruise though.” The medic shot him a quick smile and Steve nodded, eager to pull his shirt back down and hide the traces of the incident._

_“Better take it easy for the next day.”_

_“Thanks.” Steve muttered softly as he got up and smooth down the wrinkles of his shirt. As he moved the pain was already fading away and it wouldn’t take long until the bruising had completely vanished. He would have to be careful, so that nobody would find out._

_Before leaving the hospital ward Steve heard the medic calling after him. “Rogers, please come back tomorrow, I’d like to do a check-up. Just to be sure that there’s no internal bleeding.”_

_“I don’t really think that will be necessary.” Steve tried a smile, hoping that it would somehow help the medic to forget what he had just said._

_“Just do me the favour. It looks pretty rough. I’d like to make sure.”_

_For now Steve decided to let it go, he would find some kind of excuse to avoid that appointment. It was his own fault for not being careful enough. Letting himself be hit by a bullet was bad enough, unfortunately a lot of people had seen him being hit by something._

_Walking outside Steve got a glimpse of the last rays of sunshine. It would probably be the best if he returned to his bench and hide away from everybody else. He made sure to walk slowly though, to at least give other people the impression that he wasn’t feeling too great. When in reality he was hardly feeling it anymore._

_Steve was trying to disappear in the upcoming darkness when someone called out to him. “Rogers! Hey! Are you alright?”_

_Turning around saw Steve saw Anderson rushing towards him, his face and uniform still dirty from the gun battle. Inwardly Steve cursed, but he wasn’t going to let it show. Anderson was worried about him and Steve could only blame himself for his own mistakes. “Thanks, I’m doing okay.”_

_“Really? When I saw you going down, I thought they got you. When I saw you, I would have sworn that you caught a bullet.”_

_Quickly Steve shook his head. “No. No. I was lucky. Probably just a piece of metal or shrapnel. A nasty bruise. That’s all.”_

_“Thank god. Lucky son of a bitch!” Anderson smiled widely at him and Steve allowed himself to feel relieved maybe a little too fast._

_“Yes. Incredibly lucky. Because it looked a lot like you were being shot.”_

_Steve felt his heart skip a beat as he noticed the other soldier that had joined their conversation. It was this guy named Luke, but everybody simply called him the Irishman due to his flaming red hair and his accent. Nobody had a real idea how he had ended up in the American army and if anyone asked him about it, he would talk you dizzy without actually saying a word. Until now Steve had never really spent time with him, but now he felt really strange about Luke’s presence. Especially that smirk and the intense look in his eyes. Like he actually knew that Steve had been shot, but that bullets had the habit to bounce off of him._

_“As I said, I was lucky. Excuse me, the medic told me to lie down.” Steve hurried up to get away, feeling two pairs of eyes following him._

 ***

_New York – 2017_

“Mr. Stark!“

Damn, Tony had been so close to getting into his car without being harassed. Maybe there was still a chance if Happy reacted quickly enough. “Sorry, no time for autographs.” Tony opened the door to the limousine and why didn’t he hear Happy chase away the people who wanted a piece of him.

“We’re not interested in an autograph, but in a conversation, Mr. Stark.”

Oh god, if those were another pair tree-hugging protesters Tony was going to smash his head against the car window. It turned out to be even worse.

“Sir, they’re FBI.”

Fine, Tony would be gracious and turn around for that. Opposite of him were a highly attractive woman with flaming red hair and a rather stern stare. The guy reminded Tony of a clean-cut army stereotype with too short hair. Both rather young to be agents and even younger to be sent to talk to him.

“Sir, this is agent Romanoff. I am agent Rogers. We will need half an hour of your time.”

Right, that wasn’t going to happen. “I am sorry, but the same rules apply to the press and to the agency. Make an appointment. Have a nice day.”

Tony had one foot in the limousine when the redhead spoke up again. “We want to talk about the man you hired to forge your father’s will.”

Control was ripped from his body for a second and Tony could merely stand there. Every thought was wiped from his mind, but he could hear the blood rushing through his veins and feel his heartbeat in his ears. There would never be a better or a worse moment to give into an impending panic attack. Instead Tony straightened up and turned his head once more to the two agents. “I am deeply sorry that I have no idea what you are talking about.”

The guy with the bad haircut made a step forward and Tony didn’t know what to make of his expression. It was hard to think when he was already with his back against the wall. “Mr. Stark, we are not interested in whatever you might or might not have done. We only want the man you made business with.”

Despite himself Tony thought that the agent meant that. He had those thin lips that only ever formed a straight line. No smiles, just seriousness. So what? They had to think him insane if they believed for only one second that Tony might incriminate himself.

“Look, I am sorry, agent… Was it Rogers? I would gladly help you, because I am always eager to help out the government, but there is nothing I can do for you.”

“We’re here for a conversation. Off the records, but if you refuse we will have to come back after we’ve opened a thorough investigation that will pull into question the authenticity of your father’s will that left you with control over a multibillion enterprise. Or we could just talk now.”

Tony hated being blackmailed and that redhead was definitely on his shit list now. There was no time to decide or to come up with a smart plan. They clearly knew enough to come here and make bold statements, but this was Tony’s entire life, he wasn’t going let anyone screw this up after working so hard for it. After Howard trying to ruin it all for him.

“Alright, no need to get mean. I don’t do interviews next to my car though. I am on the way to the office. If you want to talk, meet me there.”

It was the most unpleasant ride to work Tony has had in a very long time, but he used it to call his lawyer. The advice that he got was indeed surprising. Luckily Tony arrived at Stark Tower long enough before the agents to down a glass of scotch. All of this was Howard’s fault. Everything could have gone down an entirely different way if it wasn’t for that arrogant, mean-spirited son of a bitch. Nothing had ever been good enough for him. Nothing at all.

When Romanoff and Rogers arrived Tony put on his smooth façade and played nice. “What can I do for you?”

“We’d like to know how you got in contact with the individual that forged this very important document for you.”

“I am still not sure that I know what you are talking about.”

The redhead scowled and Rogers replied in a completely calm manner. “Mr. Stark, I know this must seem strange to you, but our interest lies completely with the counterfeiter. We’ve been going after that individual for a very long time.”

Romanoff was taking over. “Stark Enterprises and the government have been working together closely for so many years, we have no intention to crimple that fruitful relationship. Whatever we’re going to discuss will be treated as confidential. Nevertheless we need your help to apprehend an individual who has been breaking the law for over two decades now.”

Tony couldn’t deny that this heart was beating too fast, but he knew that they couldn’t really harm him in anyway. His position was too important to them, they wouldn’t dare to jeopardize it. “Fine. Somebody might have approached me twenty years ago.”

“We will need a lot more detail than that, Mr. Stark. How was contact established?”

It was so easy to remember that night. How anger had weighed out every little bit of grief that he might have felt. How he had seen his life falling apart before it had even started.

“I was at a bar. I was getting drunk. A young guy sat down next to me. I don’t like to drink alone, so I didn’t mind. We started talking and he… I was in my very early twenties. I have a big mouth. I definitely said more than I was supposed to. I was angry and he seemed to get it. Then he told me that he knew someone who could help me out.”

Rogers nodded. “Did he introduce you?”

“No, I’ve never met the other guy. I only talked to the one I met in the bar. Honestly I believed that he was full of shit, but at the time I didn’t have lots of other options. I was willing to take the risk. Nothing to lose. The whole thing went down in 36 hours. We met again, I paid. The same day a lawyer called the board, told them that there was another last will that my father had written. More recently than the one that left me with fucking nothing. That’s the entire story.”

Tony saw no need to go into detail. They already knew that the second testament had been examined by three different experts, because 20 years ago everybody had thought it was more than suspicious that suddenly the wayward son got his share of the company, when the first will had left him with absolutely nothing. Too bad that the three different experts had all come up with the same conclusion – Howard Stark had definitely written that last will. So Tony got his share of the company and made it what it was today. End of story.

Who would have thought that twenty years later two agents would show up to ask him about it?

Romanoff nodded, but Tony couldn’t tell if she liked any piece of information that he had given her. “The man who approached you at the bar. We will need a detailed description of him.”

That caused Tony to frown. “Like I said it was 20 years ago and I only saw him two times.”

“Nonetheless it would be very important. Please try to remember as much as you can.” Roger’s tone surprised Tony. It had changed from dry, serious and almost boring to soft. Like he personally needed Tony to tell him. “Okay, I’ll try… He was attractive. Very much so actually. I remember thinking that. His hair was longish. Brown. A bit messy, I guess. I can’t remember the colour of his eyes. Taller than me. Nice build. Broad shoulders. Athletic. I remember thinking that he had a cute smile. That’s not really help… Oh.”

Rogers leaned forward, slowly and yet something in his features betrayed him, showed off his eagerness. “Yes? Is there something else?”

“His accent. It was Russian.”

“Are you sure? Can you differentiate between a Ukrainian and a Russian accent?” Romanoff was really starting to annoy him.

“I don’t know. What I can tell you for sure is that I worked with a lot of Russian business partners at the time. He sounded exactly like them. Not like in the movies, not exaggerated. His English was flawless, but there was an accent.”

Not looking very satisfied Romanoff continued her questioning. “Anything else? Did he contact you again or offered you another business at any time?”

“No. I really don’t know what else I could tell you about it. He was the only contact I had to the guy who… you know… did the actual job.”

Both of them remained silent which gave Tony a funny feeling and it wasn’t pleasant. By now he really wanted them gone. He didn’t like the way Rogers was looking at him. Or through him. Something about his eyes was getting under his skin and it had Tony shifting uncomfortably. Also there was something about his face, perhaps even familiar. Tony couldn’t put his finger on it, but he wasn’t good at remembering people, so anything was possible. Although, FBI agents usually rang a bell, those were the people you kept track on. “So the guy you are after… the forger. What else did he do that you are trying to sniff out associates from over 20 years ago? No recent activity? Or you just don’t have any actual leads?”

Romanoff’s lips hinted at a smile and Tony didn’t need more to know that he wasn’t going to receive a Christmas card from her. Rogers only continued with his own stick that almost had Tony squirming. “I am sorry, Mr. Stark, but that is confidential information.”

“Ahh, I think I get it. He was only getting started 20 years ago. Working it out. Baby steps. Learning the craft. That’s why you have a lead from the early 90s. He’s probably still at it, but too good now to mess up and you are poking in the dark.”

Ignoring Tony’s statement Romanoff had more questions. “The Russian guy. Did he have a name? Did somebody at the bar know him? How did he refer to his contact?”

“You really believe I would not have already mentioned a name? No, he didn’t have a name and he referred to the other guy as ‘a guy’. I think I have done fairly enough to help you. Anything else?”

Rogers nodded and his blue eyes had Tony almost squirming. “Yes. The Russian, as you call him, he approached you. Did he say anything about your father?”

Tony’s body went stiff. “What do you mean?”

“Your father. Howard Stark. You talked about how he had removed you from his testament. Did he comment on that anyway?”

“It was 20 years ago. I don’t remember every single word…”

“Will you please give it a try?”

Tony thought he could see something rather gentle in Rogers’ features, but maybe he was imagining it. “I really do not remember. Except… he might have said something about… the man he was working with didn’t like fathers who don’t appreciate their sons… That’s it.”

The way Rogers nodded was telling, like Tony had actually given him a piece of information that was worth something. Who the hell knew why?

They finally took pity on him and got up from their chairs. “Thank you, Mr. Stark. We’ll be in contact if we need anything else.”

“I appreciated it if you didn’t.”

They left and Tony leaned back in his chair, closing his eyes to curse Howard one more time.

 ***

_“Rogers!”_

_Steve winced at the colonel’s bark, realising that his attempt at running away and hiding in plain sight had failed. “Sir?”_

_Colonel Meyers scowled at him. “Listen, pal. I get it that you’re playing the tough guy, but we’re not going to risk to lose any man for being too proud to let a medic check on him. Also, I’m getting tired of hearing the complaints. Go there. Now.”_

_Until now Steve had not been able to work out an explanation for the medic, so he had tried to avoid going there at any cost. Perhaps he could get him into keeping quiet about everything. Two days ago Steve’s stomach had been all blue and purple from a bullet that had bounced off it and today there wasn’t even a single trace of that left. Impossible to explain, so Steve had no clue what to do. He had always been so careful not to end up in a situation like this._

_“Yes, sir.”_

_At the slowest pace possible Steve walked toward the First Aid tent, still trying to figure out a way how to avoid this. There was no way he could actually go there without raising too many questions that he couldn’t answer. Panic was rising up inside of him and just in front of the tent Steve took a sharp turn to the right, slipping into the dark corners behind the tent. This wasn’t good, he had to figure something out and fast._

_While Steve’s mind was racing to find a solution, a strange noise coming from the other side of the tent had him wince. It sounded like bottles being moved around. Lurking around the other corner Steve saw a figure rummaging around the boxes and the shock of red hair quickly gave away the identity. What the hell was the Irishman doing here? Was he looking for narcotics? To steal them?_

_Another noise resounded and Luke’s head came up, now definitely revealing him as the thief._

_“Mark?”_

_Never before, not even in battle, had Steve had the feeling that his heart might stop. In this moment he was witnessing something too bizarre to believe and Steve’s standards were definitely higher than anybody else’s. A soft shimmer of green light was covering Luke’s face and when it disappeared Steve was watching someone else entirely. All of his facial features had changed, the Irishman was gone and Steve thought to recognize one of the medics. One second later another man walked out of the back exit of the tent. “Mark? Hey, I heard something. What are you doing?”_

_Luke straightened up and shot the other guy a quick smile and a shudder was running down Steve’s spine. “Yeah, sorry. I am just moving stuff around. I’ll be back in there in just a second.”_

_“Fine.” Only five seconds after the man had walked back into the tent a new green shimmer appeared and the Irishman was back. Reaching back into the box Luke pulled out two bottles and slipped away into the darkness._

_Steve’s heart was racing._

 ***

“You could have shown him the picture.” Natasha turned the key in the ignition while Steve was shaking his head. “What for? Attractive guy with long, brown hair, bright eyes and a Russian accent. We don’t need to show him the facial composite to know that it was our guy.”

“One of your guys.” Natasha thought that she corrected him and Steve realised that it wasn’t getting easier to pretend that he didn’t know better. “It confirms that he was working with the Russian guy a lot 20 years ago. At this time it would be really great to have a name.”

Steve merely nodded and preferred to look out the window. It wasn’t the first nor the last time that they were talking about the counterfeiter’s Russian accomplice. After all Natasha was right, in the 1990s he seemed to appear rather often. How could it have been anybody else? Especially with Tony Stark. Howard Stark’s kid. He did look a lot like him.

“Steve? Are you listening?”

No, Steve wasn’t. He needed a drink. “Yes, sorry. What were you saying?”

“All we have are descriptions of at least five accomplices during the last 20 years. None of them mentioned a name and they have a distinct physical appearance. The attractive Russian. A beautiful, confident English woman. The man in his fifties with his unidentifiable accent…”

“German.”

Natasha glanced at him. “The witnesses weren’t sure on that.”

“What they described to me sounded like a German accent.” Steve was horrible at pretending that thinking about this didn’t make his skin crawl. Bucky. Peggy. Yes, Steve could understand that in a weird, twisted, jealous way. Schmidt… Schmidt was just… No matter how hard Steve tried, he didn’t get the motivation behind it.

“Fine. A German accent.” Natasha shrugged. “It doesn’t help us though. All of them seem vastly different. Nothing connects them and we only have them as lead to the counterfeiter. I still say Stark is our best shot. Messing with the last will of one of the most powerful in the world is a big deal. You need some balls and vast experience to pull this one. Look at Stark now, he’s got an even bigger company than his father at the time. 20 years ago he’s had everything to lose and we’re supposed to believe that he laid his entire life into the hands of some random guy that he met in a bar? No, he hired him. He knows more than he lets on and we need to figure out a way to get him to talk.”

If Tony Stark had inherited just a little bit of his father’s stubbornness than this was a lost case. Looking out of the window Steve pondered about what might happened if he told Natasha. Would she laugh? Roll her eyes? Tell him to stop messing around and take their work more seriously? Or would she believe that he had lost his mind.

There counterfeiter had no accomplices, he was working alone. He always had. He just could be anyone he wanted to be at any time and for the last 20 years he had chosen to be people from Steve’s past to get his attention. Because they knew each other. Because Loki probably was still mad at him for walking away.

Tony Stark hadn’t been looking for anyone 20 years ago. He had been a devastated kid, trying to drown his sorrows and then Loki had walked in. Looking like Bucky Barnes to change Howard Stark’s last will. Loki had always loved to indulge in histrionics, but that was even a bit much for him.

 ***

_“Rogers, about time you showed up. We’ll be done in just a second. Take your shirt off.” The medic gestured at him to sit down and Steve considered simply fleeing. What else was he supposed to do? They were going to find out, there would be questions and Steve couldn’t answer them._

_“Rogers, I don’t have all day.”_

_“Yes, about that… I…”_

_The medic was raising an eyebrow and Steve felt lost, not knowing what to do. “I can’t…”_

_Somebody entered the tent right behind him and the medic instantly straightened up. “Sir.”_

_Turning around Steve spotted Colonel Meyers. “Rogers, you’re coming with me. Instantly.”_

_Confused and yet relieved Steve nodded and quickly followed the Colonel who was stalking away with big steps. Around a few corners, into the magazine._

_“Sir, what…”_

_Steve yelped in surprise as he was shoved against the wall and he suddenly had a knife pressed against his throat. The green shimmer had already faded away and Steve was staring into Luke’s wild eyes. “To me it looks like we’re in a bit of a dilemma, Rogers. I assume your mother didn’t tell you that it’s very bad manners to spy at people?”_

_When the initial shock of the surprise ambush at vanished Steve quickly regained his calm, since he knew that he could easily overpower the Irishman. Physically at least. When somebody had the ability shapeshift into another human being, who knew what else they could do? “And what about your mother? Didn’t she teach you anything about not stealing?”_

_A sharp smile appeared on the Irishman’s face. “Oh, this is not about you telling other people that I took stuff that isn’t mine. It’s about you knowing my secrets. I believe that secrets can only be kept by a single person. Otherwise they stop being secrets. There are things I can do that I want to remain a secret, but you saw it. So what do I do now? When it has to remain a secret?”_

_“First of all you should let go of me, otherwise I will force you to and you really don’t want that.”_

_“Are you sure?”_

_Using some of his strength to make Luke understand Steve shoved him away and the Irishman lashed out, his knife cutting into Steve’s hand. At least it should have. Hastily Steve pulled his hand back, but the Irishman proved to have almost impossible fast reflexes. His fingers curled around Steve’s wrist, twisting it around, so he could see where the blade had touched the skin. Of course there was no cut visible, merely a lithe grazing._

_Steve yanked his hand out of the other’s grasp and no matter how hard he tried, he could see no surprise on Luke’s face. Merely a satisfied smile. “Looks like you have a secret of your own, Steve. Since you’ve seen mine, it’s only fair to share yours. How about we have a little talk? By the way, my name is Loki.”_


	2. When I got to know you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everybody,
> 
> Let's continue with this, shall we? 
> 
> Have fun :)

As Steve sat down behind his desk he already felt locked up. Not that it was small, the window was also wide and offered him a nice view. Nonetheless Steve couldn’t fight the sensation to being pushed down and the air being too stifling. Isn’t that what people called work? Sighing softly Steve started the computer and went over his emails before going over the files. Any way he turned Steve was confronted with a dead end street and it had him rubbing his temples as he stared at the screen. “Where are you?”

“Working hard, Rogers?”

Steve looked up and saw Fury leaning in the doorframe as if the boss himself had nothing better to do. “Honestly I cannot fight the frustration, sir. I thought that the lead on Stark would get us somewhere.”

Fury raised his shoulders as he slowly walked into the room. “Considering that it was an anonymous tip and where it came from, we probably got more than we bargained for.”

Unfortunately Steve wasn’t feeling that way. “It was Loki who gave that tip, I know that. I recognized the handwriting. I don’t know… Perhaps I believed for a second that he actually wanted to get caught.”

Then it turned out that Loki merely wanted to upset him. 20 years of waiting time for the pay-off, because time still didn’t mean anything.

“Your friend is getting cocky. He’s going to make a mistake sooner or later and then he’ll be screwed.”

Getting cocky? Loki had never been anything else and Steve knew better than anyone that he very rarely made a wrong move. Sure, he messed up, but most of the time he walked away from it looking better than before.

“Maybe we’ve got our next chance right now.” Fury demanded his attention again. “A private art gallery just published a statement that they came into possession of a Picasso. New discovery, completely unknown painting, but their expert says it’s definitely authentic. The art scene is going crazy. You and Romanoff should check it out.”

It definitely sounded like Loki, small scale wasn’t his favourite. “On my way.”

 ***

_France 1918_

_“Here you go. No way I am going to use water to drink to the end of this boring, exhausting war.” Grinning widely Loki handed Steve a bottle of red wine and therefore the latter one distrustfully quirked an eyebrow._

_“Oh, come on! I bought it. No reason to give me that look.” Loki grimaced before sitting back down next to Steve._

_Steven shrugged, not bothering to point out the obvious like Loki being a thief. Today it was finally over, they would soon be able to go home and Steve was too damned happy and content to make any kind of comment. They were in Paris, their feet were dangling only a few feet over the Seine, the sun was setting and the war was over. The wine tasted better than anything Steve could possibly imagine and better than anything he’s drunk during the last two years._

_“Thank you. Can you believe that we’re finally going home?”_

_Next to him Loki snorted, then took the bottle to take a big swing from it. “That’s Rogers for you. Needs only three seconds to ruin the mood.”_

_As most of the time Steve ignored the snarky comment and gently elbowed Loki the ribs. “I would have been surprised if you were actually relieved about the war ending.”_

_“Why would you say that?”_

_“Okay, granted, I’ve never got to know you in a different setting, but I’ve always had the impression that you… feel right at home in the chaos.” Steve was afraid that this might sound a bit harsh and that Loki would be upset, because frankly, it was ridiculously easier to piss Loki off. For a man who could be anybody he wanted and who changed faces regularly, he had tendency to take things way to personally._

_Luckily right now Loki seemed equally relaxed, a wicked smile around his lips. Even in the dim last light of the day his red hair seemed to be burning. “I must admit that it offered a lot of interesting possibilities, but I got tired of all the shooting. I was better at sabotage. Time to start looking for a new job.”_

_Steve enjoyed the taste of the red wine and he told himself that the alcohol and the joy of the fighting coming to an end motivated him to run straight into a completely different minefield. One that he had encountered before. “That’s the first thing you think about? A job? Aren’t you going home? See your family?”_

_The same contemptuous huff as every other time. “One simply has to admire you, Steve. Now you’ve ruined the mood twice.”_

_“I’m being serious. What stops you from going home to Ireland?”_

_Loki cocked his head, his smile cheeky but a lot softer. “You don’t really think that I’m actually Irish?”_

_In response Steve shrugged, because he didn’t know anything about Loki. They had met over a year ago and Steve had found out that Loki was different like him. Not in the exact same way, but their abilities were outstanding and strange enough for them to realise that they had to have each other’s backs. Which was insane since they had nothing in common. Except that Steve was invulnerable and Loki was a shapeshifter. Both of them didn’t want other people to know about their secrets and that was where the similarities stopped. Loki was a sassy know-it-all who enjoyed riling people up for no reason and Steve wanted everybody to get along and relish the silence. It would make sense for them to stay as far away from each other as possible and yet they hadn’t left each other’s side in over a year._

_“No, but I’m not sure. You can look like anybody you want, so I seriously doubt that this…” Steve gestured at Loki. “… is what you actually look like. Is this what you look like?”_

_In almost two years Loki had only told Steve his real name, he didn’t know anything else about him while Loki could probably run down Steve’s entire life story._

_Raising the bottle to his lips Loki shook his head. “No, this is not what I look like.”_

_Not surprised at all Steve hummed and supressed the urge to ask him to show him his actual appearance. Loki would never do that unless he came up with the idea himself._

_“I liked the Irish accent and being Luke was fun. He’s had a good run during the war. Time for something new.”_

_The implications had Steve almost drop the bottle. “Are you serious? You are just going to… be someone else?”_

_“Why so surprised now? You’ve seen me doing that all time.”_

_“Yes, on the battle field and whenever you were… stealing stuff from the warehouses which I still think is appalling. You’ve still been Luke the entire time. Everybody knows you as Luke.”_

_“You don’t.”_

_“Come on, Loki. You know what I am trying to say.” Steve sighed and despite the obvious craziness of Loki’s idea, he had a little more selfish motive. Loki was the only person Steve had not to be careful around. The only person where he didn’t have to worry to say something that might give him away and it was the same the other way around. Honestly, Steve hadn’t thought too much about the time after the war and something he definitely hadn’t thought about was that his future might not contain Loki. Now that he started considering that idea, it was easy to state that he didn’t like it._

_“It’s going to be a new age and I want to change things up. Do you think I would make a good American?”_

_Steve huffed in response. “You certainly nail the accent.”_

_“Nah, I don’t know yet what I am going to do. It would be a shame to already have everything planned out. I’ll make it up as I go. You’ll show me around New York, right?”_

_A smile danced around Steve’s lips. “Does that mean that you plan on coming to the US?”_

_Now it was Loki who shrugged despite his grin. “You’ve been gnawing my ear off about how great this country is. Might check it out as well.”_

_“I knew you were European.”_

_Loki rolled his eyes and drank from the wine. Steve interpreted that as confirmation. “I’ll gladly show you around.”_

_“Great. Now let’s get going.” Loki gracefully jumped to his feet. “Oh, by the way, I totally stole the wine. You are drinking stolen goods which makes you my accomplice.”_

_Damn that guy_

_***_

“Well, they weren’t happy.” Natasha pointed out the obvious as they left the building. Steve couldn’t agree more. “How would you react when you’ve made the deal of your lifetime and then two FBI guys come over to tell you that it’s probably a fake? Without being able to proof that it’s a fake.”

“They’re going to be fine. After all we cannot proof that it’s fake. Experts say it’s real and all we have is that the guy who sold the painting is on our list of accomplices. Red hair, Irish accent. The description fits. The name is not going to lead anywhere, but with a bit of luck we might get his face somewhere on video.”

Even if, they would see the face of a soldier who had fought in World War I and then disappeared. Dead end once again. Steve didn’t care about that. For him it mattered way more that Loki was in New York. Or at least had been two months ago when he had sold a fake Picasso.

The only question was if Loki was doing something that noticeable, because he wanted the several million dollars he had earned in this scheme or because he wanted to get Steve’s attention. Or he merely enjoyed making forgeries and selling them to rich people and laugh at their foolishness.

Steve was about to reply when his phone rang. Not a number in his contacts. “This is Steve Rogers. Who am I talking to?”

“This is Tony Stark. The man you harassed yesterday.”

Instantly Steve shot Natasha a quick glance. “Hello Mr. Stark. What can I do for you?”

Natasha arched an eyebrow.

“I think we need to talk and since I don’t leave the house if it isn’t about money or beautiful women, I need you to come over. Just you. The redhead with the dead eyes stays where she is. She is scaring me.”

It was taking a toll on Steve not being allowed to laugh. “Alright, I will see you in half an hour, Mr. Stark.”

As soon as he had hung up Natasha smirked. “We are going to see the billionaire? Has he changed his mind about not knowing anything?”

“I am going to see the billionaire. You scared him off.”

“Men are such babies. Fine, I’ll go after the Irishman. You check on Stark and don’t let him waste your time.”

Steve had a distinct feeling that that wasn’t going to happen. The second he walked into Stark’s office he could tell that something was different. The man was jumpy and sipping on a glass of scotch. Granted, he definitely hadn’t been at ease the last time, but now he looked like he was going through withdrawal syndromes. After a quick greeting Stephen simply felt like he had to ask. “Mr. Stark, are you feeling alright?”

“No. Oh no. I am far from okay. If okay was on Mount Everest, I would be in the fucking Marian Trench!”

This was unexpected. Howard had had his angry fits too, but not like that. Not so in your face. Especially not in front of man that he didn’t even know. Steve thought it was very inappropriate. “I am sorry?”

“You know what? Give me a fucking explanation and then apologize to me.” Stark downed the rest of his glass and then walked around his desk where Steve was standing. “This morning I got something in the mail. Something that doesn’t make sense and you are going to explain it to me or I swear, I am going to kick your ass.”

Steve didn’t even have time to complain how out of line Stark was. A photograph was thrust into his hands. Black and wide. Mostly faded, but the two men in the picture could still be made out. Howard Stark and a blonde man next to him.

His heart was skipping a beat and Stark was staring at him with his eyes blown wide. “Don’t even start telling me that’s your dad or your grandfather. That is you in a World War 2 uniform next to my father. That photograph was taking in the 40s. You look pretty good for a guy who has to be more than 80 years old!”

 ***

_New York City 1919_

_Rubbing his aching shoulder Steve closed the door to his apartment behind him. Since it was pretty much only one single room it didn’t take long to see the man sitting on a chair, reading the newspaper. The sight of himself had Steve immediately tensing up and the pain in his shoulder was forgotten. “How many times have I told you not to do that?”_

_Loki raised his head and Steve was looking into his own eyes. Identical, but Steve still hoped that he didn’t look like this when he was annoyed. “How else was I supposed to get inside? Your landlord wouldn’t let anyone else in. I claimed that I forgot my key at work.”_

_“You could have waited outside please, stop that. It’s eerie to talk to myself.”_

_While rolling his eyes Loki changed back into his usual self. Or at least the person he had been for the last three years. Brown curls, grey eyes, a man who called himself Lewis. “Happy now?”_

_“No. I’ve had a long day at work and I don’t like it when you sneak in here. ´”_

_“Alright. I apologize. I brought food. You get in the shower, I’ll set up the table.”_

_Steve could appreciate Loki trying to do something nice and he was indeed longing for some hot water on his skin. “Thanks.”_

_One shower later Steve returned in the main room to find that Loki had indeed prepared dinner. Only with ingredients that neither of them could afford. “Loki…”_

_“I know, I know, but taste it before you complain. Stealing food is not a crime. Everyone has to eat.”_

_“We are not exactly starving.”_

_That comment had Loki pulling a face and his voice was drenched in repugnance. “Is that supposed to mean that I only get to eat potatoes, because that’s what I can afford? I didn’t leave home for that. Look at you, you are a man who physically cannot be hurt and who possesses superior strength and still you are barely able to walk after a day of working at the docks for a few pathetic dollars. Go sit down and enjoy your meal.”_

_“You stole it.”_

_“Not from somebody’s table. I stole it from that Italian grocery store from the guy who charges too much and who beats his children. Am I allowed to steal from him, your highness?” Loki bowed his head while pouring himself a glass of red wine._

_Everything on the table looked wonderfully delicious and Steve heard his own stomach growling. Nonetheless he couldn’t ignore his principles and Loki would only feel confirmed in his wrong doings if Steve joined in. So instead Steve merely sat down opposite of his friend, crossing his arms in front of his chest._

_Loki gave him a patronizing gaze. “Oh fine. Do whatever you want. Don’t start complaining though that you’re hungry.”_

_“I won’t. How was work?”_

_“A waste of time. My boss is still an idiot. I can so easily imagine a gorgeous woman telling his wife that he is having an affair.”_

_“Don’t even joke about that. You wouldn’t dare.”_

_“Why are you always so keen on making a better person out of me?”_

_“You are a good person… just a lot more flexible than most people.”_

_Loki laughed at that. “You must be right. Only a good person would disguise themselves as your foreman and then go to his boss and tell him that Rogers is doing a ridiculously good job and way too modest to ever ask for a raise, but he should definitely get one.”_

_The slight smile on Steve’s lips froze. “You did not do that.”_

_Putting a grape into his mouth Loki shrugged. “You weren’t going to do it, so I had to take care of it.”_

_“That is none of your business.”_

_“Sure it is. You are being stupid, selling yourself way beneath your worth. Just look at this.” Loki gestured at their surroundings with not so much hidden disdain. “You and me… we are not like everybody else. We are extraordinary and for some reason you find it so easy to put up with… Well, average.”_

_“I think we’re doing alright. Sure, it’s hard work, but it pays a decent life. Like it should be. Also, I know that you don’t really think that. You like ‘average’. Otherwise why would you still be here? You are probably the only person in the world that could go anywhere at any time.”_

_It was impossible not to smile at Loki’s sneer and how he shifted around in his chair. Almost squirming. Simply because he couldn’t admit that Steve was right._

_“I got used to you, it would be hard to find someone else who is stupid enough not to tell everybody that his best friend is a shapeshifter.”_

_“That must be one of the nicest things you’ve said to me in a long time.”_

_“Don’t get used to it.” Loki downed another glass of red wine before intensely studying the grapes in his hand. “You got the raise by the way. You are welcome.”_

_Steve shouldn’t, he definitely shouldn’t and yet he couldn’t fight the smile that spread on his face._

 ***

“Sending Howard’s son a picture of the both of us… that’s excessive. Even for your standards.” Usually Steve wasn’t talking to himself, but three glasses of whiskey and of the most bizarre encounters of his life could do that to him.

“Were you talking to me?” The barkeeper glanced at him while she was preparing a drink for someone else and Steve shook his head. “Sorry. Been a long day.”

“Guess the counter is the right place to share it.” She shot him a short, charming smile before serving another client his drink. Steve’s eyes followed her every move, searching something familiar in it, although he knew there wasn’t much use to it.

Taking another sip of his whiskey Steve thought how odd it was that this had become his way of dealing with a bad day. Thinking about the other one while having a drink. How much he would enjoy the irony. So many years later.

“So? Girlfriend or work? It’s always one of those.” The barkeeper had returned to him and Steve realized that she had lovely eyes. Like a lot of other people.

“You are wrong already.” Steve shrugged softly and the barkeeper kept smiling. “Then what is it? I hardly see a man drinking his whiskey when a woman isn’t involved.”

Not the first time that Steve heard that. “Let’s say it’s about an old friend. He sent me message. I guess to upset me.”

“Now that’s not very nice. What did you do to deserve that?”

Steve tried not to bite the inside of his lip as he took another look at her. Trying to hear something between the lines or to find a little detail in her face that might give her away for being someone else. “Lots of years ago we’ve found ourselves standing a crossroad. I went one way, he went the other. I think he has never quite forgiven me that. Before that we’ve been working together and I kind of thought that it would stay like that forever, because we knew each other’s secrets. That’s how we became friends in the first place, I found out his secret. Of course he immediately noticed me and told me that now he would either have to kill me or become my best friend.”

That little part of the story had the barkeeper laughing and Steve was almost sure that she wasn’t him. “Sounds like a nice guy. I guess he went for the second option.”

“For a couple of years, yes. Then times changed and he changed with them or he did not. I honestly don’t know, but he began to show different sides. Ones that I didn’t like and ones that he fiercely enjoyed. He had always been clever, feisty and… mischievous, but he ultimately decided to become a criminal. A bootlegger at first. Then a counterfeiter. He’s very good at what he is doing. So much that he could change the entire course of history if he wanted to. Maybe he’s already done that. Who knows? I’ve made it my mission to stop him from doing that. I’ve been trying for the last 30 years.”

Confused the bartender raised an eyebrow and Steve offered her an apologizing smile. “Would you believe me if I told you that I am over 100 years old?”

Her laugh was answer enough and Steve continued with his story. "These were our secrets. I can’t get hurt and I don’t age. He can be anybody at any time. Actually I don’t know if I have ever seen his real face. I am trying to find him and sometimes he’ll leave me a trail of breadcrumbs. He just did so a few days ago. My office got an anonymous tip and I checked it out. We both know that it was him. So I went there, checking out his message and it was… somewhat cruel? Anyway, now I am here, drowning my sorrows, which is immensely ironic, thinking about him and there are you. I cannot help wondering if you are actually him.”

She swallowed, clearly freaked out, but he had always been perfect in whatever role he had taken on. Steve kept looking at her, his heart beating a little faster. “Are you?”

“I am… Sorry, I got… other costumers…” Awkwardly she turned around, quickly slid away and Steve washed the disappointment away with the last sip of whiskey. It tasted like nothing special and Steve tried not to think of Bucky, Howard and least of all of Loki.


	3. That time you were close to me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everybody,
> 
> There we are, back again in the 1920s and Steve is haunted by memories and Loki
> 
> Have fun :)

**_ The history of the United States can be told in 11 words: _ **

**_ Columbus, Washington, Lincoln, Volstead, two flights up and ask for Gus _ **

 

_New York City – 1921_

 

_“Making alcohol illegal? My Irish soul is screaming out in agony.”_

_Smiling softly and shaking his head Steve sat down next to him. “You are not even Irish.”_

_As snarky as ever Loki rolled his eyes and took a sip from his wine for good measure. “I could be. What do you know?”_

_“Nothing and I complain about that all the time.” Gently Steve nudged Loki’s knee with his own. “Where are you from?”_

_Loki snorted in fake annoyance and Steve could see in his eyes that he didn’t want to start a fight like he often did. “Nice try, Rogers. Back to the real dilemma. If your insane government really is going to make alcohol illegal, I am out of here.”_

_“You are getting way more worked up about this than I expected. You’re not even drinking that much.”_

_“But it’s so stupid. Clearly the only intention is for people to stop having fun.”_

_“I very much doubt that.”_

_“Then what else are they trying to do?”_

_At first Steve shrugged, because if he had to be honest, he did not know himself. “Lots of people change their entire personality when they drink. Violent, aggressive, dangerous. It’s only natural to worry about that. Just think of your own street. How many men do you see each day stumbling home, because they are too drink to walk? Spending money that they don’t have to buy alcohol.”_

_In response Loki shrugged, putting his indifference shamelessly on display. “How is it my problem when people cannot hold their liquor? Everybody is responsible for what they do. I don’t need the government to play babysitter for me.”_

_“They’re trying to deal with a problem.”_

_“So do you think that the solution is to ban something entirely?”_

_Slowly Steve shook his head. “No, I don’t think it’s a good idea, but I have to see what happens first before jumping to conclusions. Who knows how this entire thing is going to work out? Probably it won’t even go as far.”_

_“Hopefully, because it’s a stupid idea.” To emphasize his point Loki took a big sip from his wine. “Anyway, how about we go out? I need new cigarettes.”_

_Steve wasn’t going to start another conversation about that nasty habit. Especially since he seemed the only person in the entire country who didn’t like it. “Sure, let’s go. I could drink a beer.”_

_***_

“Is Stark going to be a problem?”

Steve liked nothing about this. Absolutely nothing. Fury’s stern gaze, his tone, the word ‘problem’ and ‘Stark’ in the same sentence. “No. I talked to him. Everything is alright.”

“May I know what you told him?” Fury tried to stare him down with calm aggression, but that was lost on Steve. He had seen every possible form of emotion on Loki’s different faces. Nothing was new to him anymore. Not after so many years.

“Sir, I wrote it all down in my report. Are there any problems with it?”

“No, I merely would like to hear from you personally.” Crossing his arms in front of his chest Fury signalled him that he was here to stay and Steve should better get to it if he wanted to have another precious moment for himself. “I stayed as close to the truth as I possibly could. I told him that I have a personal history with the forger and that he enjoys messing with me. Therefore he sent Stark a fake picture. That’s it. Only one little lie in that story.”

One that Steve didn’t enjoy very much. He didn’t like to pretend that he hadn’t known Howard. That Howard Stark was just another name that he happened to hear and that didn’t mean anything to him.

“Do you think that’s enough? The man is a certified genius.”

“What do you think is easier to believe? My explanation that is almost completely true and plausible. Definitely more believable than me being over 100 years old and meeting his father during the Second World War? I do think that my explanation was good enough.” Steve wished for this conversation to end, it felt wrong to him to talk to Fury about Howard or anything else that was related to his personal life. For that very reason Steve often refused to share details about Loki.

“I see. It leaves us with the small problem what would happen if Stark decides to go through his old man’s stuff and finds more evidence of you… being around back in the day?”

Once more Steve wouldn’t pretend that he cared much. It was somewhat of a fantasy to be able to talk to Howard’s kid. To tell him what a great and extraordinary man his father had been. Also Steve would walk on glass to find out what had gone wrong between father and son. At what time their relationship had gone sour. Steve liked to believe that he could mend it. Or at least a little part of it. Helping Tony Stark to make peace with his father 20 years after his death.

Nothing but a fantasy. A rather selfish one.

“I fear that is something we should have thought about before letting me go there to talk with Tony Stark in the first place. If he finds another trace, then maybe I should tell him the truth.”

“Somebody as unstable and reckless as Tony Stark is not the best person to keep such an immense secret.” Once more Steve felt almost appalled by Fury’s depreciative tone. They were talking about Howard Stark’s kid after all.

“Nonetheless it is my decision who I tell about myself. This is my life after all.”

Fury grunted, clearly displeased, but there was nothing he could to in this point. After all Steve wasn’t property of the FBI. At any time he could walk out of here and they would lose a very useful asset. No way that Fury would like to be the one responsible for that. “I am merely asking you to be careful, Rogers.”

Now Steve offered him a small, condescending smirk. “I am old enough to be your father, Sir. I think I can take care of myself.”

Today Steve was especially glad to leave his office and to head out for a run with Sam. His friend greeted him with his big smile and a short hug. “Hey there, big guy. Ready to eat my dust?”

Steve enjoyed his sense of humour, especially since Sam couldn’t win a race against him if Steve only used one leg. Their little work-out sessions were always fun and Sam always liked to talk big when Steve remained silent. Except for one or two sassy comments, but Steve didn’t always come up with those. Loki would be severely disappointed.

After their run Sam joyfully suggested to have beer at a cosy bar where a lot of agents were regular guests. Steve was actually forward to his couch and some mindless TV, but Sam was so excited that he couldn’t say no. One drink than he would go home. Sadly it became pretty soon blatantly obvious that Sam had other things in mind. “I have the very distinct feeling that there is a good chance that both of us are going to get lucky tonight.”

Steve already feared the worst when Sam indicated him to look to the other side of the bar. Two pretty women were sitting at a small table, both looking into their direction. As they noticed Steve’s glance they both started to smile. Turning back around Steve suppressed a sigh. “You have fun then, I am tired and don’t think that my charm is working tonight.”

“Judging by how they are looking at us, not much charm is going to be needed. Also, this is a two men job, you can’t leave me hanging. Come on, let’s get these ladies a drink.”

Who was Steve to stop an over-excited friend? That had never worked out for him the past. Therefore he obediently followed Sam as he got up to join the two young women. “Good evening, ladies. Can my friend and me interest you in a drink?”

One of them had blonde curls, definitely pretty and she had the most apologetic smile. “I’m sorry, we’ve already been taken care of by a nice gentleman. He told us to give you this though.” She held out her hand, a little piece of paper between her delicate fingers. Steve frowned and it took one second before realisation set in. “Where did he go?!”

“Just walked out the door one minute ago.”

There was no other thought in Steve’s head except that he could still reach him if he was only fast enough. So he ran, pushed past the crowd, ripped open the door and faced the cold night air. It clung to his skin as Steve frantically looked in all directions, trying to see a familiar face or form in the darkness. Nothing. “Loki!”

Steve called out to him in vain like he had done for the last 50 years. Of course there was no answer. Merely a couple that walked by sent him a confused look. Sure, why not? He definitely was the crazy person in this scenario. He refused to go back inside and simply give up when Loki actually showed himself for the first time in years. Loki could be anyone who he wanted to be, but he couldn’t fly. He still had to be around somewhere. So Steve looked for him. Ran down the street, studied the faces of all the people who passed him which seemed rather useless, but a tiny part of him still thought that Loki wished to be found. Why else would be try to gain Steve’s attention recently? Other than for his own amusement.

His attempts turned out to be in vain. Steve was left standing in the street, alone, without even a trace of Loki. Steve took his time returning to the bar, leaving a message from Sam unanswered. Naturally he felt bad for leaving him there, but Steve was sure that he could console himself with the two pretty women over Steve’s absence. Actually Steve would be surprised if Sam was missing him.

When he finally got back Steve spotted Sam sitting alone at the table, without the women. “What the hell was that? You ran away like somebody was chasing after you. They definitely got the wrong impression.”

Steve did his best to not flush with embarrassment, although he had nothing to feel ashamed of. It had been about Loki. “I am sorry. When she said that she had a message for me… I had to see if I could still get to him.”

“Yeah, what all of that about?” Sam quirked an eyebrow at him and Steve shook his head. “That is a too long story to tell and… honestly, I do not want to tell it. How about I buy you another beer as an apology?”

“Well, that’s the least you could do. The girls pretty much fled after your glorious exit. By the way, the gorgeous blonde one gave me this for you, since you ran too fast to even take it.” Sam held out the piece of paper that had caused Steve to flee.

“Thank you.” Overly careful he took it, slowly unfolding it. By now his heart was beating at an unhealthy rhythm. It was a short message, written in Loki’s immaculate, beautiful and almost antique handwriting. It had been such a long time since Steve had seen it.

_You stormed out before even reading the paper, didn’t you? I would say that old age makes you predictable, but you have always been that. Wouldn’t it have been terribly fitting for us to meet again in a bar? Almost poetic…_

_But I guess you left to look for me before I could even hand you this message. Is it because you miss me so much? Or because you are so eager to lock me up? Makes me miss the good old times._

_Do you remember Prohibition, Steve?_

Yes, of course, Steve did.

 ***

_New York City – 1923_

_Steve was very aware of the bounce in his step, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. The entire way to Loki’s apartment Steve had spent picturing the look on his face when he was going to hand him his gift. It had taken a countless amount of overtime to be able to afford this watch, but it was going to be worth it. Loki always liked to complain about how ordinary and plain their lives were, without any luxury or finer things. Sure, the watch didn’t cost a fortune and it definitely wouldn’t be appropriate for a Lord or a rich businessman, but it was nonetheless definitely out of Steve’s price range. For months he had been working more hours and saving every dollar to make Loki a special present for his birthday. Or more accurately the day that Steve had chosen to be Loki’s birthday._

_Until this very day this stubborn idiot had refused to tell Steve where he was from, why he had left his home or even when he born. Since everybody’s birthday needed to be celebrated Steve had promptly decided on a date and that was now Loki’s birthday. Honestly, Steve hoped that the false date would annoy Loki enough to finally reveal something about himself. Right now Steve was looking forward to see expression in Loki’s eyes when he gave him his gift. Something that couldn’t be taken for granted, but Steve had wanted it to be something out of the ordinary, since their relationship was definitely the same way._

_Smiling like a little kid on Christmas day Steve eventually knocked on the thin wooden door to Loki’s apartment and waited._

_“Steve?”_

_“Happy birthday!”_

_As expected Loki merely quirked one patronizing eyebrow. “Today is not my birthday.”_

_“Will you tell me when it is?”_

_“No.”_

_“Then it’s today. Grab a coat. I’ll take you out.”_

_“And do what? Grab a slice of apple pie? Going to the saloon is a dull affair nowadays.” Crossing his arms in front of his chest Loki did his best to look annoyed and not at all in the mood to do anything, but Steve knew that he was pleased about the effort that Steve was making._

_“That sounds like a good plan. Come on. No excuses.” Steve pretty much had to drag Loki into the next coffeehouse, but if Loki really hadn’t wanted to come along, there would have been no way for Steve to make him move. In the coffeehouse, a place they liked to frequent, they also met George, a nice lad that Steve had befriended a couple of months ago, so he was friends with Loki too. Steve wouldn’t let that opportunity pass. “It’s Lewis’ birthday today!”_

_Loki glared at him while George showed a more natural reaction. “Hey, Happy Birthday, lad! Congratulations! How old are you today?”_

_Steve couldn’t help but smirk and Loki sighed. “25.”_

_“Quarter of a century. I would buy you a drink, but… Yeah. We have to stick to tea.”_

_It was the same talk every day and everywhere. Nobody discussed anything but Prohibition and among most men at least it seemed like the last days on Earth had arrived. While Steve thought that he could easily spend the rest of his life without alcohol he was the opinion that completely prohibiting it was going a step too far. However, it had become the law, so what could they do about it, but to live by it? After all none one was getting hurt and Steve would definitely enough a day without whining about the lack of beer._

_“I would kill for a glass of whiskey.”_

_“Kill? Really?”_

_George shrugged. “Fine, let’s not exaggerate. But some smooth scotch? Damn, I’d be willing to pay good money for that. Not just me, every single poor guy in here. Everything only because a few Dumb Doras chewed the government’s ear off and now all of us have to die of thirst.”_

_“How much would you be willing to pay?”_

_Both of them looked at Loki rather confused. “Sorry?”_

_“For a glass of scotch. The good stuff. What would be the adequate price?”_

_“I have no idea. All I can tell you that I enjoyed a cold beer after a long day of work and that’s gone forever. I am definitely not the only guy who desperately misses that. No all I come home to is the constant nagging of my wife.”_

_Loki had that pensive look on his face that Steve knew perfectly well, no matter which face Loki decided to wear. For the rest of the conversation he seemed strangely absent and Steve decided to give him his present later, simply because he wanted his full attention. Impressing Loki was such a hard thing to do and Steve wanted to savour it._

_After pie and coffee Steve walked Loki back to his place and naturally Loki invited him, like he always did. “Loki, since it’s your birthday…”_

_“It’s not.”_

_“Will you keep your mouth shut and let me do this? I got you a present. I am pretty sure you will like it.”_

_“We never have the same taste in anything.”_

_Sighing in frustration, because it should not be so hard to give your best friend a present, Steve handed Loki the little brown box and noticed with a tingle of satisfaction how the other’s eyebrows went up. Not so condescending this time. “What is it?”_

_“Just open it.”_

_As Loki did just that Steve went suddenly into panic mode. What if Loki didn’t like it after all? The last person whom in front of Steve wanted to look like a fool was Loki. Most importantly Steve wanted Loki to like it, because that stupid guy should smile more without making fun of someone else._

_“It’s beautiful. Why on earth would you spend so much money on me?” Loki was looking up at him, with genuinely questioning eyes and Steve shrugged, smiling at him. “You’ve had my back during the war and after that. You’re my best friend and I was afraid you would steal one if I didn’t get you one for your birthday.”_

_“It’s not… Never mind. Thank you. I love it.” And Loki did smile before looking around the single room that he lived in. “Too bad that now the rest of this puny shithole doesn’t look as good anymore.”_

 ***

On the entire way home Steve only had one thought nagging at him. Did Loki still have that watch? It was a ridiculous question. By the end of the 1920s Loki must have had enough money to fill a whole house with watches like the one Steve had offered him. The only reason to keep it would have been sentimental value and Steve could very vividly remember a moment where Loki had rolled his eyes and uttered the word “Sentiment” with disdain. Also, that watch was from 1923. It probably had already turned into dust long ago.

Anyhow, as Steve unlocked the door to his home, he decided that he wanted to believe that Loki still had something of him. Like a souvenir. Since Steve didn’t have anything. Mostly because for a very long time he had refused to believe that they could ever part ways, least of all so radically. It had happened and Steve had a life full of memories, but not even a real face.

At times he had wondered if Loki was even his real name. That was the only thing that Loki had sworn to him though.

With heavy steps Steve walked inside, put Loki’s note on the counter and then disappeared into the bathroom, washing away the traces of a long day. He would have loved to go to bed and sleep for the next 12 hours straight if there hadn’t been a message in his mailbox.

“Rogers, this is Tony Stark. I usually don’t call people personally, so forgive me I do something wrong. I think we should talk. Call my secretary to make an appointment? Or try to call me back on this number. Good night.”

 ***

_New York City - 1923_

_It was a lovely day and as it would be a horrible waste to spend it inside, Steve was on his way to pick Loki up from his apartment. Actually he found him right in front of the building, carrying a crate that definitely looked heavy._

_“Anything I can help you with?”_

_“Thank god! I’ve been carrying these upstairs for hours and now you show up when I got the last one? Doesn’t matter, I’ll gladly let you carry this one. Use your ridiculous arms for something useful.” Instantly Loki shoved the crate into Steve’s arms and he almost dropped it, surprised by the weight. “What is this?”_

_“An investment, so bring it upstairs safely. I might even reward you with some lemonade.” Loki gave him a pat on the shoulder and Steve followed him into his apartment where five other crates were taking up almost all of the little space._

_“So what brings you here, my heavy-lifting friend?” Loki was obviously in a good mood._

_“I wanted to ask you if you wanted go outside. It’s Sunday, the sky is marvellous. You can’t sit around all day.”_

_“I am planning to do just that.”_

_“Come on, Loki…”_

_“You are free to join me. I promised you lemonade, didn’t I? I’ll get some.” Smiling ever so sweetly Loki disappeared into the kitchen, leaving Steve standing there. No, he wouldn’t give up that easily. While Steve was pondering how to get Loki out of here, somebody knocked on the door. “Loki?”_

_“Can you get that please?”_

_So Steve opened the door to a man in his forties who he had never seen before. The other one nervously checked his surroundings before speaking up. “Can I help you?”_

_“Yes, uhm…” The man was licking his lips, avoiding looking Steve into the eyes. “I am looking for Gus.”_

_Bewildered Steve raised an eyebrow like Loki would have. “I’m sorry, there is no Gus here…”_

_Loki was by his side so quickly that Steve couldn’t finish what he was trying to say. “I am Gus.”_

_Thankfully Steve used to Loki suddenly changing appearance or he would have freaked out over the tall blonde man suddenly standing next to him, who ushered him aside. What Steve got to see next was bizarre to say the least. A few husky words were exchanged. Then a white envelope against one of the crates and the man was gone. Steve wasn’t stupid, he could connect the dots, but he still wanted to give Loki the chance to explain this. “What was that?”_

_Unbothered by his accusing tone Loki sat down on one of the other crates, crossed his legs and smiled at Steve. “That was the best idea I’ve ever had.”_

_“What is in those crates?”_

_“Highly dangerous contraband that will bite your nose off when you look inside.”_

_“Damn it, Loki!”_

_Laughing whole-heartedly Loki shrugged. “It’s booze, Steve. Whiskey. George was right, people are willing to pay ridiculous prices for it. Especially saloon owners. It’s the deal of a lifetime.”_

_It was so exactly like Loki that Steve probably shouldn’t be furious with him, but he couldn’t help himself. “Are you crazy? This is highly illegal. You can go to jail for this!”_

_With a casual hand gesture Loki waved him off. “Who are they going to arrest, Gus? By the way, I am a small fish, Steve. Half the saloons filled up their stocks before the 18 th amendment and the ones who were stupid enough to forget that, they can buy a casket of liquor from me. It’s good money.”_

_“It’s against the law.”_

_“Oh, screw the law. Everybody is secretly buying or brewing their beer and I’ll be damned if I miss out on that chance. This is more money than I make in half a year. We’d finally be able to eat at that fancy French restaurant where all the people with sticks up their asses go.”_

_Shaking his head Steve looked at the other crates on the floor and all he could think about how they could get Loki into trouble. Sure, this wasn’t the first time Loki had done something not exactly legal, but it had always been small stuff. This was something else entirely. “Where do you even have the whiskey from?”_

_“Another bootlegger lost them. They fell of his truck.”_

_“You stole them. God, Loki…”_

_“Relax, Steve. It’s not like anything can happen to me. I am ignoring the most useless law ever written down. Like a lot of other people, of course you wouldn’t know about that, because you don’t keep the company of said immoral and debauched people.”_

_Loki could make fun of him all he wanted, Steve didn’t care. “Alright, but I like your company and I want to be able to keep spending time with you without having to visit you in prison. I guess the damage is already done, but… Please, after you got rid of those crates, could please try and stay as far away from the bootlegging business as you can? That extra money cannot be worth going to prison for.”_

_Against all his expectations Loki wasn’t brushing him off immediately. Nevertheless he groaned. “One can always count on Steve Rogers to ruin the mood. Sometimes I wonder why I put up with you.”_

_By the end he was smiling though and Steve knew that they were going to be alright._


	4. Then I saw the cracks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everybody,
> 
> Let's go on with Steve's and Loki's story ;)

“Can I help you, sir?”

A bit confused Steve nodded and shot the secretary a nervous smile. “Yes, I… I have an appointment with Mr. Stark. My name is Steve Rogers. I’ve been here before.”

It felt strange not mentioning that he was an agent, but Stark had told him that this conversation would be unofficial and Steve was going to respect that, although he wasn’t sure if it was a good idea.

Without looking at her screen the secretary told him that Stark was already waiting for him. She gave him a card that would allow him to access the penthouse with the elevator. For some odd reason Steve felt nervous as he made his way up. Stark hadn’t told him about the reasons for this meeting, but it wasn’t completely mad to assume that Loki was once more pulling the strings. How could he still be upset about Howard after so many years? Well, Steve knew that Loki could hold a grudge, but this was excessive.

With a little beep the doors of the elevator opened and Steve felt a little out of his depth. In front of him was one big room, with panorama windows and the most luxurious furniture. No sign of Stark though. Stepping out of the elevator Steve softly called out. “Mr. Stark?”

“As punctual as the military.”

Stark came back from the balcony and Steve instantly spotted the glass in his hand. The last time he had also been drinking. He look different when he was not wearing a suit. Jeans, a t-shirt. Casual. “Mr. Stark.”

“Hey, you fancy a drink?” In comparison to the last time they had talked Stark seemed relaxed and Steve was the nervous one. “No, thank you. I am good. May I asked why you ask me to come?”

“Straight to the point. Yeah, why not.” Stark shrugged and as he walked to the couch Steve closely watched the way he moved, trying to find any resemblance to Howard. Physically they looked very much alike, Stark was perhaps a little less tall. Also he moved differently, smoother. The charisma definitely ran in the family. “Have a seat.”

When Steve had sat down next to him Stark hummed softly. “I thought about what you told me. The story about the forger who has some personal beef with you.”

“That’s not a story.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Stark waved off and reached for a black folder that was lying on the small table right in front of them. “I’ve been called many things. Nostalgic is not one of them and still I went through my old man’s stuff. Locked away in boxes. Maybe I am nostalgic after all, because I didn’t burn it when I took over the company. Then again, it’s never too late to set stuff on fire. Anyways, I found a few interesting things. Have a look.”

Steve knew what was in that folder before opening it. For a short moment he pondered the possibility of just leaving. He was here on his own terms, nobody was forcing him to talk to Stark. Except the overwhelming fact that this was Tony Stark. Howard’s son. Steve didn’t have the means to describe the desire to talk to him. To at least connect a little bit to his past.

With calm hands Steve reached for the folder and carefully opened it. Photographs. Naturally. More than the one Loki had sent Stark. Some of them were snapshots, with nobody in the picture looking at the camera. Two had them posing and smiling. They all had one thing in common – Howard and Steve. Impossible to deny and Steve wouldn’t want to make up another story anyway.

“I know that I told you that I wouldn’t believe you telling me that this is your grandfather… I changed my mind. Tell me that’s your grandfather, because otherwise I will need a bigger glass.” To emphasize his point Stark downed his whiskey and Steve slowly shook his head. “That is me. 1942. When I first met your father.”

Stark blinked, intently staring at Steve as if he was trying to see someone else there or finding something in his features that would make him help understand something that didn’t make sense. “How old are you?”

Maybe not the first question that Steve would have asked, but he answered truthfully. “137.”

“That means you were born in 1882. I need a bigger glass.”

Stark was already getting up, heading towards the bar that Steve had only now noticed. “I know it’s a lot to take, but…”

“No. No. No.” Without turning around Stark shook his head. “You don’t get to talk until I say so. Until I’ve drunk enough and you don’t freak me out anymore.”

That could take while, but Steve had to live with that. It was a lot to digest after all. A part of Steve had actually trouble believing that Stark had immediately the truth.

“Fakes would have made so much more sense…” Stark was muttering to himself while sipping on his new drink. “On the back of a few pictures he wrote down who was in them. Steve Rogers. You really could have changed your name… To be a little discreet.”

“I happen to like my name.” Steve hinted at a smile, but Stark was more interested in his glass than in looking at him. “So what is your deal? Some experimental drug during the war? That would be right up Howard’s alley…”

Steve’s fingertips were tingling with the urge to defend Howard, but he knew it would be too soon, Stark would throw him out. “No. Nothing like that. Whatever you want to call it… I inherited it from my father. He was over 200 years old when I was born. He died in an accident when I was still a child, so I don’t know too much about my own life expectancy. None of it has to do with your father.”

Finally Stark focused his attention back on Steve, no after refilling his glass. He seemed to be drinking a lot and it was worrying Steve. Hopefully this was only due to the extraordinary circumstances. “How did you get to know him? I am pretty sure your… condition must have had something to do with it. He was definitely thrilled.”

“I served in the Second World War. That’s how we met. Me and your father were friends. He was a good man.”

Stark actually snorted at that and Steve swallowed. He should not be surprised, but the blatant disrespect towards a deceased parent was still hard to take. “Obviously you didn’t know him very well.”

“Quite the opposite. We worked closely together for several years. I am sorry that we’ve lost contact, but I’ve always considered him a good friend.”

“So that means either you have the worst knowledge of human nature or you are an asshole just like him…”

“Your father wasn’t…” Steve stopped himself and took a breath. “I admit I don’t know anything about your relationship or his qualities as a father. The last time I saw him was in the 1950s. I can only talk about my own experiences with him. To me he was a good friend, he treated the people who worked for him well and fairly. To me it seems rather… strange that your relationship was so strained.”

He was hoping for Stark to say something now, to open up or to give an explanation about what happened. Instead Stark remained silent, sipping on his drink. So Steve tried something different. “Is there something you would like to know maybe?”

“Yeah, what do you want from me? Why would you – the 100 year old proof that rules of nature don’t always apply who also happens to know my father –come to me and remind me of how badly Howard screwed me over? What is this all about?” Stark narrowed his eyes in distrust and Steve felt all hope of an actual conversation with him slipping away. “I meant about your father.”

“I don’t give a damn about what Howard did when he wasn’t working on the atomic bomb. I want to know what you are doing here. What you want from me. Because I do not believe in coincidences.”

Steve sighed softly. “I don’t want anything. We followed a lead on the forger and…”

Huffing Stark rolled his eyes and Steve started to feel upset about his lack of manners. “Still that old story? Do think I am stupid?”

“Your father was a brilliant man and I assume you are too. The story about the forger wasn’t a lie. I am trying to find him and we do have a personal history. He did send you that photograph. Probably to upset me…”

“What about him? He’s also 100 years old?” It sounded like a dry joke, but Steve wasn’t going to tell Stark another lie. “I do believe that he is a lot older, but I don’t know. He never told me.”

 ***

_New York City – 1925_

_“Oh dear. We’ve got Steve Rogers sitting alone on a bench in Central Park, not playing with the other kids. What could have happened? Why the long face?”_

_Loki sat down next to him and Steve glanced at him only mildly surprised. “How did you know I was here?”_

_“Predictable. It’s one of your greatest qualities.” Happily stretching out his long feet Loki gently nudged Steve with his arm. “What happened? You are pulling that face.”_

_Steve sighed, because there was only a little chance that Loki would be understanding or helpful. At least not when it came down to this. “Maggie decided that it would be a good idea that we stopped seeing each other.”_

_Next to him Loki hummed appreciatively. “Good for you. She was a pain. I am 100% convinced that she never read a book in her entire life. Last time I talked to her I mentioned Moby Dick and she thought that I was talking about a friend.”_

_Yes, that reaction was exactly what Steve had expected and as much as he enjoyed spending every other minute with Loki, right now he couldn’t really need him. “I am perfectly aware of how you felt about her. I liked her though, she was nice and it never feels good to have somebody rejecting you. You will excuse me for not being in the best mood.”_

_“Steve, I am not going to pretend that I am unhappy about you being rid of a person who was dull and clearly not on the same level as you.”_

_“Very kind of you.”_

_“But I also know about your insane need to try to be friends with everyone, liked by everyone and even worse how you try to see everybody in a good light. No matter how dumb they are. So I am sorry you got disappointed.”_

_This was as far as Loki could possibly go and Steve was grateful for it, because he knew that he meant every single word. “Thanks. That was almost nice.”_

_“I do my very best.”_

_Steve leaned back, looking up into the blue summer sky. He wasn’t actually sad or feeling particularly down. It was just one of these days when you couldn’t be bothered to do anything. For the next couple of hours Steve would be perfectly content sitting here and ponder._

_“So… uhm… you are doing okay, right?”_

_It was taking an almost supernatural effort not to smile at Loki’s sudden insecurity. Those moments happened so rarely that Steve had to treasure them. This one seemed especially precious since it was all about Loki actually worrying about him. Not that Steve was going to say that, he thought it was way too enjoyable to have Loki be the insecure one for a moment._

_“You know what would make me feel better? Since you complained about there was nothing me and Maggie could talk about, how about the two of us talk for a change?”_

_“We talk all the time. About everything.” Loki answered defensively and Steve laughed softly. “I talk about everything. You pick and choose. How about we talk about your family for a change?”_

_“Next question.” Loki replied drily and Steve would admit that he had wanted too much too soon. “Alright. Alright. Something else? Do you never… miss your own face? You constantly change appearance. Wouldn’t you like to look like yourself again sometime?”_

_This time Loki seemed to ponder the question. “At the time –no. I can be one hundred different people in one day and I love that. I can go back to whatever face I prefer at any time. I can’t imagine it being any different. It’s way too much fun.”_

_It was anything but a satisfying answer. “What do you look like?”_

_“Why do you think you haven’t already seen already what I look like?”_

_“I just hate it when you do that. Answer a question with another question. You don’t want to tell me, I get it. I don’t like it, but I have to accept it. There, you are officially off the hook. Let’s talk about something else.”_

_Loki instantly got up and grabbed Steve’s arm. “Come on, I am going to be buy you lunch. Now you made me feel guilty and I need to do something nice.”_

_That was a nice idea and Steve only started protesting when Loki led him to a restaurant which was way too expensive for either of them. Of course Loki would have none of it and paid the check as if this was a regular occurrence for him._

_They were slowly walking home when Loki spoke up against Steve expectations. “Why does it matter to you? What I look like or where I come from? It doesn’t make any difference if I am English, Irish, French, Greek or whatever…”_

_Glancing at him Steve could see the honest frown on Loki’s face, like he honestly couldn’t understand Steve’s motives. Which filled Steve with a deeper sadness than anything related to Maggie ever could. “Because I want to know. Because you are a friend. Because I think that it might help me to understand you better. It’s kind of odd that you don’t want to share anything with me. I would like to believe that we both aren’t just friends, because we are both… different. That that’s the only thing we share.”_

_Loki continued to surprise him with a cheeky smile. “Let’s be honest, I only ever started talking to you, because I saw a bullet bouncing off you. Everything else about you seemed so incredibly dull.”_

_To immediately get revenge for that Steve gave him a hard shove and Loki burst out laughing. “You are awful.”_

_Still smirking Loki shrugged. “It’s been almost 10 years, you know me a little bit by now. Do you really believe that I would have stuck around if it was only for your invincibility? I would have died of boredom such a long time ago. If I were actually seeking out the company of people like me than I could have stayed where I came from.”_

_Steve wasn’t going to ask about that little piece of information, but he wasn’t going to forget about it either. For now it was perfectly enough. “That means I am not so dull after all?”_

_“Oh, you are the worst and you would be so lost without me. Can’t have that. Wouldn’t want to imagine what kind of people would you hang out with if it wasn’t for me.”_

_***_

“You remember the blonde girl from Narcs? Sharon. She’s kind of cute, isn’t she?”

It had stopped a long time ago being sweet that Natasha wanted to set him up. To be honest, Steve wasn’t sure if he ever liked it to begin with. Yes, he remembered Sharon. She was gorgeous and Steve still wasn’t interested in a date at this time. Nothing could be further from Steve’s mind. “Yeah, I remember her. She is very nice. You have my blessing.”

Natasha pulled a face and crossed her arms in front of her chest. Strangely enough in his very long life Steve had never met someone who could give you a stare-down like Natasha. Not even Loki and that meant something. She just found the right amount of ‘I am so utterly disappointed in you’. “When was the last time you went out with a woman?”

“Straight to the point, huh? I appreciate the effort, Nat, but I really am not looking for a relationship.”

Without a care in the world Natasha shrugged. “Then just get laid. I think it would help you to relax. Your shoulders are all tensed.”

The tension was there because of Loki and his latest actions concerning Tony Stark and Steve worried if there was more to come. “That’s a work related issue. I’ll work through it.”

“Life’s not all about catching our forger. He’ll still be out and about the next day if you go out one night.”

“I was out with Sam just a few days ago.”

Now Natasha gave him that knowing smile. “Yeah and I heard that you stormed out as soon as a good looking woman was talking to you. Usually they expect a different reaction.”

Sam was in so much trouble for talking to Natasha. “Maybe I just don’t like it when people are trying to get me dates or to set me up. Look, Nat, I appreciate the concern, although I don’t know how I gave you the impression that I needed any kind of relationship or adventure. I am perfectly fine and when I change my mind, I will take care of that myself. Thank you.”

Natasha cocked her head, looking rather pensive and for a moment Steve thought that she would actually drop it now. “So I tell Sharon you give her call tonight?”

The only appropriate reaction was to throw a crumpled up piece of paper at her. It was too soon to have his colleague messing with his private life, Steve hadn’t even had coffee yet. Luckily Natasha decided to let it go for now and Steve could take care of all the work that had piled up on his desk. The usual. Demands from his superiors and hints about the possible whereabouts of the forger that would ultimately lead nowhere. Steve didn’t expect anything new. Except for that one handwritten letter, addressed to him. All that it took for his heart to skip a beat was to see the utterly perfect way his name had been written down on the envelope. For years not a single word and now Loki slipped him a message in a bar and even wrote him a letter. Since Natasha was still in the room Steve had to use all of his willpower to not rip the letter open. Instead he slowly opened it like he would have any other letter.

_What is it that you trying to accomplish? Let’s assume you’ll find me, what are you going to do? If you should find me. Arrest me? Are you going to tell them what I can do? So they can do their little experiments on me? What do you want, Steve?_

_***  
_

_New York City -1925_

_In a good mood Steve pushed open the door and smiled when he spotted several familiar faces. “Hey guys, I am here to pick up Lewis.”_

_Steve was met by a sentiment of confusion. “Uhm, you are about two weeks late for that.”_

_Unfortunately Steve didn’t remember this guy’s name, because whenever he picked up Loki from work, the later one made sure that they would leave immediately and Steve didn’t have much time to make conversation. “I’m sorry? Has he already left?”_

_“Yeah, he did leave. Two weeks ago. He quit.”_

_It had to look very unflattering that Steve’s mouth just dropped open in disbelief. “What? Why? He didn’t say…”_

_“He didn’t say much either. He walked in here two weeks ago, told the boss that he wasn’t going to come anymore and he was gone. Walked out of here like a major jerk.”_

_Completely bewildered Steve asked for something more of an explanation, but Loki’s ex-colleagues quickly waved him off and so Steve found himself walking back outside. Why hadn’t Loki told him anything about wanting to quit his job? Sure, he was complaining all the time, but that was just Loki’s stick. Steve definitely would have expected Loki to share this information with him. Did he have a new job? Well, he had to, money was needed to pay the rent. Still, Steve was eager for an explanation and therefore went straight to Loki’s place._

_When he knocked at Loki’s door, nobody opened for him. Instead he heard the voice of a young man that definitely wasn’t Loki’s. Or Lewis’. “Password?”_

_Dear Lord, what was going on? “Loki? It’s Steve.”_

_Steps were audible and finally the door was being opened. It was Loki after all, smirking at him. “Hey, come on in. I didn’t forget about us wanting to meet up today?”_

_“No, don’t worry. I just felt like hanging out together. I wanted to pick you up from work. Didn’t quite work out.”_

_Instantly Loki’s face fell and the smile vanished. “Oh. Well, shit.” Loki looked like a child that had been caught stealing cooks from a jar. Then he shrugged carelessly and started smiling again. “Are they still mad at me?”_

_“They weren’t exactly crying all over you. What happened? You quit? Why? Why didn’t you tell me?”_

_One more shrug. “It’s not that important. I got so tired of doing the very same thing every single day and making barely enough money to afford a tiny room. By the way, I am moving too. I would have told you that anyway, because I don’t want you to stand in front of an empty apartment.”_

_This was happening way too fast for Steve to keep up with. “What? Slow down. What is going on? Where are you moving to?”_

_“A bigger place. High up. Big windows. There’s a room I don’t know what to do with yet, but it’s big enough for a nice couch, so you can crash there any time you like. You are going to love it, it’s beautiful.” Loki looked excited, maybe even euphoric. Definitely happy and Steve honestly didn’t have an idea what was going on._

_A little bit helpless Steve shook his head, trying to wrap his head around Loki’s words. “What… Do you have a new job? How do you afford that new place if it’s so big? What is going on anyway?”_

_Loki sent him a dazzling smile and made a gesture that was definitely supposed to say ‘Don’t worry about it’. “Come on, for once don’t be Steve Rogers and ruin the mood. This is a good thing. Just roll with it.”_

_It took another second for all the pieces to fall into place before it suddenly made sense. The different voice that he had heard through the door and the demand for a password. “A    re you doing something illegal again?”_

_After hesitating for a second Loki shot him the most sweet and seemingly innocent smile. “Do you want me to lie or should we just start fighting right away?”_

_“God, damn it, Loki!”_

_“Language, Steve. Now sit down, have a glass of wine. I’ll gladly explain It to you.”_

_Someday Steve was going to lose his mind over his best friend._


	5. Before we let go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everybody,
> 
> Things in the past were just fine, so when did it go wrong? 
> 
> Have fun :D

_New York City – 1925_

_It was with an uneasy feeling that Steve walked down the street. Worry kept nagging on him so much that he actually played the thought of turning around and going back home. That would be much easier. Of course he couldn’t do that, it wouldn’t be fair and not what Steve wanted. Loki was having a party and his best friend was definitely supposed to be there._

_The atmosphere right now was a bit tensed to say the least. They had had one of their bigger fights in recent history. Nothing that couldn’t be amended, but Loki had ultimately rolled his eyes, had called Steve an idiot and had thrown him out of his apartment. That wasn’t the worst that could have happened, Loki hadn’t been screaming. Still, normally they were able to sort their disagreements out in a single conversation. They’ve never separated after a meeting not being on good terms. Luckily they hadn’t yelled at each other and Steve was fairly sure that it wouldn’t take them long to make up, but he would rather do this alone, get a private conversation. Not at a party._

_A party that had Steve worried too. Since Loki hadn’t stopped the bootlegging in the first place Steve didn’t even want to imagine what this party was going to be like. A big excuse for people to get illegally drunk. Nothing that Steve particularly forward to. The entire situation was highly unpleasant. He didn’t want Loki to be involved with any criminal undertakings, but Steve also had no illusions about Loki’s nature. Unlike him Loki didn’t like clear and established lines. For him everything was blurred. Taking things that weren’t his from others didn’t bother Loki. From the very moment Steve had first seen Loki had been a thief. There was no way for Steve to ever condone him stealing things, but it had been become easier over the years to turn a blind eye to it. Well, most of the time. Loki didn’t steal money or from people who didn’t have much._

_No, he was way too embezzled by luxury to do that. Usually his misdeeds had been reduced to snitching a bottle of wine or a nice piece of meat that he would never be able to afford. Steve couldn’t pretend that it was okay, he never had, but he consoled himself with the fact that Loki didn’t personally hurt anybody. Technically he still wasn’t doing that. He was immensely worried though that Loki was biting more than he could chew. That Loki was going to end up in real trouble._

_Perhaps that also played a part in it. Steve believed that Loki liked the thrill of it, the danger. For Loki it was so easy to blend into a crowd, to disappear after whatever thing he might have said or done. If you were capable of doing that, how long could you refuse before taking advantage of it?_

_Another thing that they should talk about._

_Finally arriving in front of the establishment where the party was supposed to take place Steve tried to ignore the severe stomach ache that he was coming up with. In cases like this invincibility wasn’t of any use. So Steve remained in front of the building, biting his lip while a laughing couple made their way inside. At least someone was having fun._

_Finally deciding against being such a coward Steve followed them. The calm and the cool air of the night were immediately replaced by heat and the mingled noise of a crowd laughing and talking. Glasses clinking. It was more or less like Steve had imagined it. He was old enough, he had served in the army, Steve had witnessed enough parties when booze had still been legal. Yet this party already seemed different. Like people weren’t drinking to have or good time or because they simply enjoyed the taste of it. More because they weren’t supposed to do it and it had them drinking so much more as a result. Fine, their hangover would punish them the next day. The real problem was that any time the police could storm in here and then they would be in a world of trouble._

_Looking around Steve tried to spot Loki’s brown curls somewhere in the crowd, but the place was bursting. It was useless to look for a certain face. After fighting his way through this mass of people towards the bar Steve tried to take a breath, but it felt like he was already chocking on the cigarette smoke. This was not the place for him to be._

_“Can you tell me where I find Lewis?”_

_The barkeeper questioningly raised an eyebrow at him. “Am I supposed to know who you are talking about?”_

_Yes, because this was his party. Feeling frustration rising in inside of him Steve turned back around, trying to spot Loki somewhere. This was quite useless._

_Until somebody tapped him on the shoulder and when Steve turned around he faced a dirty blonde with blue eyes and a cocky smirk. “I was almost sure that you wouldn’t come.”_

_Blinking in surprise Steve looked the other man up and down before uttering a sigh. “Loki, what are you doing?”_

_“Oh, you mean my new design?” Loki actually did a little spin. “I thought it was time for something new.”_

_Steve had trouble believing what Loki was telling him. “What? Just like this? You can’t just give Lewis a new face. People will notice.”_

_The smile on Loki’s new face only got bigger as he laughed. “Yes, Lewis got boring. Nice to meet you, Steve Rogers. I am Gus. Nice to have you at my party. Have a drink.”_

_Taken aback and deeply unsettled Steve shook his head. “Are you mad? You cannot do that!”_

_Within a second that face which Steve didn’t know turned dark and his sparkling eyes became a memory. “I don’t particularly care for people who tell me what I can and cannot do.”_

_***_

Shouldering his bag Steve stepped out of the gym, enjoying the feeling of the sun on his skin. Today had left his bed with a heavy head and a heavy heart for no real reason. Steve blamed it on a bad night of sleep and to clear his thoughts he had spent an hour more than usual working out. He hadn’t asked Sam to join him since he had longed to be alone for a while. Now he definitely felt better and there was still a day in front of him to take advantage of. There was a new exposition that he wanted to check out and why shouldn’t he do that today? It was about time that he used one of his days off to relax and completely forget about work.

Naturally as soon as Steve had finished that thought, he was confronted with something work-related. Tony Stark was leaning against Steve’s car. It was an odd sight. A billionaire usually surrounded by an entourage, his bodyguard or hiding away in his ivory tower, now casually standing here and waiting. How did he even know where to find Steve? More importantly what did he want? The last time he had made pretty clear that he didn’t want to be pulled into Steve’s crazy business. That’s what he had called it. Steve kind of felt sorry about that, but he could understand where he was coming from.

Now he was standing here, obviously waiting for Steve. What was he supposed to make of this? “Mr. Stark.”

“You took quite some time in there. Have you any idea how long I’ve been waiting?” It was hard to tell if he was actually annoyed or only messing with him. “I wasn’t aware that you were waiting for me at all. What can I do for you?”

Stark straightened up, pushing himself off the car. “I have no idea. For 20 years I have been perfectly content knowing that my father was an evil man that enjoyed letting me starve while dangling a carrot right in front of my face. Sure, everybody who has always worked with him like to dwell on about his genius and what a great guy he was, but I dismissed that all as bullshit. Trying to suck up to me or whatever. None of them though claimed to be friends with him. Until you showed up I was sure that my old man never had a single friend. People that he worked with, yeah, but friends? Unlikely. I shouldn’t care. I haven’t cared for the last 20 years. I also haven’t met a guy over 100 years old who looks younger than me… Perhaps time to try something new. You wanna grab a coffee and tell me why my father wasn’t a close associate of the devil?”

Steve felt his mouth run dry. The answer was of course yes, he desperately wanted to put the pieces of this shattered relationship back together. It didn’t matter that Howard had died such a long time ago, his son was still alive and while they had never made peace in Howard’s lifetime, Steve would like to believe that he could offer Tony a bit of closure. Also, Howard had been his friend, the thought of Tony hating him just wasn’t right.

“Sure, I don’t have plans that I can’t postpone. Thank you, this is really…”

“Yeah, yeah. Don’t let ahead of ourselves.” Casually Stark put on his sunglasses. “It will probably be a massive waste of time, but that has never stopped me from doing anything.”

Good, then it was going to be a challenge, Steve could work with that.

 ***

_New York City – 1925_

_Steve checked the address on the piece of paper to make sure he wasn’t lost. No, this was the right place and Steve definitely didn’t even belong in this neighbourhood. It was fancy, perfectly clean and the kids weren’t walking down the street with their mothers but their nannies. Nobody living here was a millionaire, but it was still the kind of money that Steve was never going to have and that Loki definitely shouldn’t have._

_Were people looking at him or was Steve imagining things? Since he was feeling uncomfortable here Steve quickly entered the building and ended up in front of Loki’s door. Taking a deep breath before knocking Steve told himself that they were going to sort this all out. He just wasn’t going to concentrate on why Loki was suddenly living in this nice place._

_The face that Steve was confronted with when the door was being opened felt like a punch in the guts. Loki wasn’t blonde and he definitely didn’t have dimples. This wasn’t Loki and Steve wanted to be able to associate one single face with him._

_“Did you come all this way to judge me?” Loki didn’t ask him in, merely crossed his arms in front of his chest and leaned against the doorframe._

_“I’ve come here to talk. Things kind went sour at the party and that was also my fault. Please, let’s just have a conversation.”_

_Loki exhaled audibly before letting Steve pass. He tried his best not to look around too much in this apartment. Just the salon was bigger than Loki’s entire last place. It was without a doubt beautiful and not affordable. “I am worried about you.”_

_That immediately had Loki laughing. “Has there been a single moment when I haven’t been able to take care of myself?”_

_“That’s the problem, I think you are way too good at taking care of yourself. This what you are doing now… I’m afraid that it might spiral out of your control.”_

_Loki reacted like Steve had expected, he was brushing his concerns off. “I don’t know if you have noticed, but I am able to change my appearance. Nobody is going to arrest me, because I am not the person they are looking for.”_

_“So that means you can do whatever you want as long as you don’t get caught?”_

_“What that I am doing is so terrible? So despicable amoral? I make sure that they people get something to drink. You are right, they should lock me away for eternity.” Loki was chuckling and Steve told himself not lose his calm this soon. Why couldn’t Loki see the obvious problem?_

_“Okay, let’s just ignore the fact that you are breaking the law…” Steve searched Loki’s gaze and the other one was easily looking back at him, unbothered by the nature of their talk. “What is this all about?” Steve gestured at their surroundings, then at Loki. “Why the new name? Why the new face? Why do you suddenly have to change everything? Your entire life?”_

_“Because my life until now was shit.” Loki didn’t sound angry about it, nor frustrated, just matter of fact and that was an even worse slap in the face for Steve._

_“What? Good to know how you feel about the last seven years. I thought your life was pretty damn good. You had a job, your own place and friends. When did you decide that it wasn’t good enough? Or did you feel like this from the very beginning?”_

_Of course Loki rolled his eyes, because Steve hated it when he did that. “This isn’t all about you. None of what I said has to do with you. It’s about the ridiculous tiny hole that I lived in and the mind numbingly boring job that I was doing each and every day. Ordinary people can do that. Not the two of us. Why on earth are you content with that? The two of us we can do pretty much everything and unlike you I am not willing to settle for so little. And you shouldn’t either.”_

_So it came all down to greed or the idea of being better than everybody else? Both were possibilities that Steve was repulsed by and they had little to do with the Loki he had got to know during the last nine years. Sure, Loki had always been overly self-confident, bordering on arrogant. To put it lightly. Yes, he had always had a taste for the finer thing in life and flexible morals, but Loki had also been happy all the time he had been living in New York. He had been smiling, making friends easily and Steve would be damned if he had misunderstood all of that. “Why is it so important where you live or how much money you make? As long as you’re fine and you have people who care about you.”_

_“Dear god, you sound like a preacher.” Loki huffed in annoyance while shaking his head. “You are too righteous and too humble to imagine that people have all that and might still want more? I appreciate you and I don’t want to break ties with you. I am merely adjusting my standard of living. We should do the same with yours.”_

_“I am perfectly fine, thank you. I don’t need to live on stolen goods.”_

_Loki’s lips became a thin, white line. “Of course not. You are so much better than everybody else. Not a single bad bone in your body. You would never do something so deeply immoral like selling alcohol. Something that’s perfectly legal in any other country in this world. Forgive me for not living up to the great standard of Steve Rogers. Skin made of steel and heart made of gold. Without a sense of humour.”_

_It hurt. None of it was completely new, but until this very moment it had always been a joke. Nothing to take seriously and not to this degree. Until now Steve would have never thought it possible that this was the way Loki saw him. “I don’t think I am better than you or anybody else. I am not the one who tries to change everything about himself. What about all of your friends? Everyone who knows Lewis? You are just going to erase him and start over in a new place? You have to see why this is not okay…”_

_“I don’t see the difference if he disappears now or in ten years. It’s all just temporary anyway. We’re going to leave all of this behind eventually, so why not make most of it? Why live in a single room with windows smaller than my own when we could have this? I don’t get why you are selling yourself beneath your own worth.”_

_Loki’s words left Steve utterly confused. So much that the anger he was feeling was actually pushed aside for a moment. “What? What are you talking about? Why would you leave?”_

_Raising an eyebrow Loki gave him a look that clearly said that Steve was missing the obvious. “Us. The two of us. We’re going to leave. Ten or fifteen years down the road.”_

_“Why? Why should we leave? Whereto? This city is our home.” Steve felt like he was missing a major piece of information and Loki gave him another look. Like he was about to explain that the sun was going to rise tomorrow morning._

_“Because you haven’t aged a single day in seven years.” Loki stated softly. “How long do you think that you can go on like this before people start asking questions? Questions you cannot answer. How long before one your friends begins to think that it’s odd that you still look like 25? I can make myself look older, you can’t. Ten years at best. That’s how much time I give them before they start looking at you differently. Then we will have to go. Start over in a new place.”_

_The cruel reality that Loki was confronting him with only slowly dawned on Steve and he could not answer. The lack of reaction had Loki’s eyes shimmering and he thoughtfully licked his lips. “Dear god, you have never thought about that.”_

_Steve nodded and answered frankly. “No. I… I guess I haven’t.”_

_Loki huffed incredulously, but then he smiled. “That’s so… you. Well, I thought about it. Nothing here is going to be permanent. We’ll have to go and until then, why not live life to the fullest?”_

_The entire meaning of Loki’s words had yet to catch up to Steve, he was way too distracted by one part of it. The one much more important than the realisation that nothing in his life could be forever. Except for Loki. “You wouldn’t have to leave.”_

_“I beg your pardon?” Now Loki was putting his confusion on display._

_“You just said so yourself. You are the one who can change his appearance. You can be anyone you like. You can pretend getting old. I cannot. You could stay here for the next 60 years. I am the one who is not going to be able to explain, but you’re talking about the two of us. The two of us are going to leave when I cannot stay anymore.”_

_Loki shrugged, the lines on his forehead were getting deeper as he frowned. “I don’t get what you are trying to… Of course, I am coming with you. What else would I be doing? Are you going to ask next if the sky is blue or if the grass is green?”_

_Steve didn’t have the words to describe what was happening to him. The blatant fear that Loki was leaving his life as Lewis behind and that Steve himself was going to be a part of this abandoned life quickly vanished and he was left feeling content. Happy._

_“And you are not just sticking around, because we’re both weird?”_

_Huffing once more in annoyance Loki turned around to walk further into the room. “Don’t even start, Rogers. Come on, I’ll show you around. I’m sure you’ll like it.”_

_***_

“I cannot speak for anybody else’s experiences, but your father was there for me at a time when I wasn’t doing very well. When I didn’t have anyone and he was the best friend I could have hoped for. I can tell that you have trouble believing me, but at times I would have been lost without him.”

Stark kept sitting there, with his arms crossed in front of his chest, watching him with careful but attentive eyes. “Your life must have been pretty awful at that time when my father turns out to be a saving grace.”


	6. When I left and you came back

_New York City - 1929_

_The caffeine was making Steve’s heart race which was a very bad sign, since it took a lot of coffee to achieve that. Impatiently he tapped his fingers against the table top, unable to fight the frustration that was slowly wearing him down. For the probably one hundredth time Steve’s eyes drifted to the clock on the wall. Now it was just getting ridiculous. Steve should get up and leave. Maybe even give the waiter a nasty note. Something like that._

_“You wouldn’t believe the troubles I’ve had with the shipping. I swear to you, every single person doing their job except for me is an idiot.” Loki slumped down on the chair opposite to Steve and casually gave the waiter a sign to come over to their table._

_The complete lack of a ‘Hello’ or ‘Sorry’ had Steve snap. “Seriously? Nothing? You are 45 minutes late. Again!”_

_Sighing exhaustedly Loki nodded. “I know. Like I have just told you, nobody knows how to do their job. It’s a catastrophe.”_

_“This is the third time that you’re late. The last time you didn’t even show up at all. Would it kill you to apologize?” Steve sent Loki an upset gaze, hoping to make it clear that this time he wasn’t going to roll over and forget about Loki’s disregard._

_“Yeah, sure. I am sorry. I’ll buy you a cup of coffee.”_

_“I’ve already had a lot of coffee waiting for you. I don’t want any more coffee and I really don’t care about your excuses. The guys who are doing your illegal shipping don’t live up to your standard. How is that an excuse for making me feel like an idiot for waiting for you in the first place?” Now that he was finally talking about this Steve found it hard to hold back. His grudge and disappointment was pouring out of him, although he still hated everything about fighting with Loki. Then again, it definitely wasn’t him who had brought this upon them. Loki couldn’t expect Steve to keep smiling and accept whatever stunt Loki was going to pull next, no matter if it ended up being hurtful or not. The last month had been too harsh on Steve to not have a strong reaction._

_A reaction that Loki obviously still didn’t take seriously. He merely raised an eyebrow in slight confusion. “I have got a business to run, Steve.”_

_There it went. The chance for them to walk away from this table without being angry at each other. Out of the window. “No, you don’t.” Steve corrected harshly. “The man owning this café runs a business. You are bootlegging alcohol. That’s committing a crime. Not running a business.”_

_Another sigh from Loki and he was rolling his eyes in annoyance as he crossed his legs. He was wearing a new suit. It looked like it cost more than everything Steve had bought in his entire life until right now. “Weren’t we over this discussion? Don’t start the old routine now. About how rotten and evil it is what I am doing. How many times did I invite you to dinner and you let me pay. With my rotten, evil money that comes from the pits of hell.”_

_Steve pursed his lips, then pressed them tightly together. Loki had a point there and Steve didn’t feel good about this. That was something he couldn’t do, because at some point he had actually gotten used to Loki being involved in shady stuff. It had been so much easier to ignore one or two crates than what Loki was doing now. “You have to be able to tell the difference. I’ve never liked this to begin with, but one year ago you only sold a couple of bottles to saloon owners. Now…”_

_“Now it’s me who owns the saloon and I get the bottles for myself… and to some others, but who cares and let’s not talk about work. I am late, I apologize. I want to spend time with my best friend. Time during which we are doing something else than bickering. Damn, where is the waiter?”_

_“You know what? You’ll have a better time without me.” Steve had come to the decision that he could not deal with this. Not with Loki’s dismissiveness after waiting for him again. Not after Loki not giving a damn. Standing up Steve put on his coat while Loki was watching at him in confusion. “You know, I am supposed to be the melodramatic one.”_

_“Have a nice day, Loki.”_

_***_

“You want to grab a beer? I think we deserve it.” Sam patted his shoulder, shooting him a grin. They had just finished their run and normally Steve wouldn’t mind to have a drink, but today he had other plans. “Another time, sorry. I am scheduled to have dinner.”

Judging by the look on Sam’s face he was completely misinterpreting the situation. “Oh, you got a date? Great, then Romanoff can finally stop trying to set you up. It’s quiet annoying.”

“No, it’s not a date. Rather… reconnecting with an old friend. We’ll have that beer another time.” Steve quickly said goodbye, because he still had to get home to have a shower and change clothes. Stark had said they would go to a casual place, but Steve thought that a billionaire had another idea of casual than him. Which made the choice of an outfit incredibly difficult. Luckily Steve didn’t have much time, otherwise he would have spent hours in front of the wardrobe and he would have felt even sillier, because when they met up Stark was wearing jeans and black long sleeved t-shirt. Granted, back in the forties that style of clothing still hadn’t been around yet, but Steve was nevertheless sure that he would have seen Howard in something similar.

“I hope you are not a vegetarian, because tonight is steak night.”

It was odd to have dinner with Howard’s son who turned out ridiculously chatty when he had warmed up to you. With a very strange and biting sense of humour. Steve thought that he and Loki probably had got along perfectly fine when they had met twenty years ago. Tonight Stark took his time, babbling about the latest football game and some movie. Not unpleasant.

Eventually though the man opposite of him turned more serious and intensely studied his glass of wine instead Steve. “It’s a shame that he hadn’t met my mother yet. When you knew him. I would have liked to know if he ever talked about her. If he ever thought about her all the time he wasn’t home.”

Steve shifted uncomfortably. “There is nothing I can say to that. I am sorry.”

“Yeah, but I can tell you a few things. How odd this hymn of praise sounds to my ears. About such a good and attentive friend. Perhaps he was. Could easily be. As a family man he was quiet different. I remember him not being there. Until I was ten, he seemed like a ghost. Either not at home or locked away in a workshop. Then he was around a lot to tell me how everything I did was not good enough. Not up to the work of a Stark. I heard that a lot until I was 15 and went to college.”

This was the point where Steve had to interrupt him. “15? You went to college when you were 15 years old?”

Now Stark gave him a patronizing glare that was very much like Loki’s. “I am a genius, remember. Definitely smarter than him. Which is probably the reason why he was so horrible with me. He realised that he was going to be outdone by his own son. Most fathers would feel proud of that. Not mine.”

“That’s very bold. Your father was the most brilliant man I ever met and a lot other people said so too.”

“Those people are idiots and as long as you haven’t read my thesis, you have no right to compare. Anyway, does that somehow make sense to you? The man you talk about. Being absent and neglectful?”

“Not really, no. But I must admit that... He was very demanding. Of himself and others. There was no second-best for him. I guess… I fear he would have applied that standard on his child as well. I am sorry for that. I instantly assumed that a good man would also be a good father. Unfortunately people are a little more complicated than that.” That had always been Steve’s weakness, hadn’t it? He had always preferred to see only one side of people.

Stark seemed rather thoughtful. “I guess I am guilty of that too. I assume a bad father has to be a bad person. It doesn’t make me feel better though. Now I have the impression that the military and co-workers managed to live up to his standard, but his family didn’t.”

“I don’t think you should see it that way. In some say way I think that dealing with strangers was easier for him than with people close to him.”

“You said that he was that great, awesome guy who was always there for you.”

“Yes, but…” At this point Steve wished he had never said anything, because he was not making things any better. It had been naïve to believe that Steve could mend a family affair that he was not part of. Father and son was such a different relationship. It didn’t compare to the way Steve had known Howard. What if he had now tarnished Stark’s memory of Howard even more? By telling him that Howard had been a good person with pretty much anybody but his own son. That simply wasn’t fair. Shaking his head Steve decided that he couldn’t continue doing that. “I am sorry, Mr. Stark. You were right to begin with. I didn’t know your father like you did and I definitely should not have tried to change your opinion by telling you stories that are of no interest for you. I am sorry. I will leave you alone now. I hope you have a pleasant evening.”

“What? Hey, what are you doing?” Ignoring Stark’s bewildered look Steve got up and walked straight out of the restaurant. This was unlike him. Such a hasty and rather impolite act. Steve had made a mistake by seeking out Stark and now he was running from the consequences, afraid that any word might make Stark’s memories even more painful. Outside the door Steve took a breath of fresh air, cursing himself for his own stupidity and eagerness. The last time he had seen Howard had been when? In the 50s. His son had been born twenty years later. People could change a lot in such a long time.

“If that was an attempt to leave me behind to pay the check, then the joke is one you, because I would have done so anyway. What was that? I am not used to people running away from me.”

Steve was startled that Stark had followed him so quickly, but that was probably also tied to being a billionaire. He could probably leave any restaurant and they just send him the check to his home address. “Like I said, I should have never tried to… Your family affairs are not my business. I am sorry for trying to meddle. I am done with that.”

Next to him Stark hummed, then slightly nudged him with his elbow. A gesture that was probably meant to tell him to walk along with him and Steve did.

“I agree, I am also sick of talking about my old man. There is something else though that I am interested in. Care to share?”

Although he felt a little unsure Steve nodded. It seemed like he owed Stark this much. “What is it that you want to know?”

“About my benefactor. Your buddy who’s probably also immortal. You said that he sent me your photograph to upset you. He also showed up 20 years ago and offered me a way out of that god awful testament. Why? You only came to talk to me because of him, right? You must have an idea. Besides the fortune that I’ve paid him, there must have been more to it.”

They definitely were father and son, both of them wickedly smart and ever so curious. Unable to not question things. “I don’t know for sure. I haven’t seen him or spoken to him in years. He didn’t particularly like your father. Not at all.”

Steve didn’t miss Stark’s soft smirk.

“For him it was… I guess he wanted to do something that would piss him off. In some way I think it was also meant to upset me. Like pointing a finger. Look the guy you thought so highly of was a complete jerk to his only kid. It worked. It’s still hard for me to believe that he seemed to be a different person with you. I guess that’s something he wanted to show me. Out of spite.”

The corners of Stark’s mouth were twitching in a way that Steve had never seen with Howard. “Sounds like a severe case of jealousy.”

“Yeah, Loki was always bad at sharing.” Steve muttered under his breath and Stark let out a chuckle. “His parents must have hated him to give him that stupid name.”

Steve forgot about feeling sad that Loki never told him anything about his family, because this was the very first time that Stark had sounded somewhat happy. It suited him. “I don’t know. He kept using lots of different names. I am sorry you got pulled into all of this. Really sorry.”

“What do you mean sorry? I have no idea where I would have ended up if your… Loki hadn’t taken care of a few things for me. I might have jumped off a bridge. Nah, forget about that. I would have blown all money on coke and hookers. Fun for a while, but it ends up rather nasty. What I am trying to say is that I don’t mind the inference. I also don’t mind you. You’re not as bad company as I assumed at first. You know, being FBI and all. Good Lord, Howard and I might finally have something in common.”

That was about the strangest thing that could have happened. Steve being the one thing Howard and his son had in common. “Mr. Stark, I think…”

“It’s Tony.”

Or perhaps it wasn’t that bad. Being friends with Howard and Tony Stark.

 ***

_New York City - 1929_

_It happened rarely that Steve lost control of his strength, but this time he had trouble not breaking down the door as he knocked. Finally the maid opened the door and smiled at him. “Mr. Rogers, what a pleasure to…”_

_“I need to see Gus.” Steve pushed past her and made his way inside the entrance hall. Normally he always greeted her, asked about her day, because she indeed was a very nice girl. Today that wasn’t possible. “Gus! It’s Steve! We need to talk!”_

_“For God’s sake, stop all that shouting. I’ve had a long night.”_

_Looking up the stairs Steve saw Loki standing at the top, wearing an expensive dressing gown, rubbing the bridge of nose with one hand and holding a glass of scotch in another. Completely shameless. Steve would have started yelling at him right away if it wasn’t for the maid. “We need to talk.”_

_“Yeah, you’ve said that before. Come upstairs and stop yelling, my head is hurting.” Loki whined and walked back into his bedroom, Steve following him close behind. While he was seething Loki comfortably sat down on the bed, sipping on his drink. “It’s barely noon. Why on earth would you show up at such an ungodly time?”_

_Ignoring the question Steve threw the newspaper at him and Loki answered with a glare. “Well, someone’s in a mood.”_

_“That was you.”_

_“I was what?”_

_“The entire front page. That was you.”_

_Still with all the calmness in the world Loki checked out the paper and then shrugged. “A couple of bootleggers got arrested. Isn’t that the kind of thing that you should be happy about?”_

_“The biggest arrest of bootleggers in the last five years thanks of the brave and fortunate testimony of a young woman. Not bothered about her safety, isn’t she? There’s even a photograph of her. She is wearing the watch I gave you. That is you.” Steve openly stated his accusations and Loki had at least enough respect for him to not start playing a game. “Alright. That is me. Aren’t you pleased? I used my ability for something good. The bad people who broke the law are going to get locked away.”_

_Never in his life had Steve been as frustrated and angry at the same time. “Those are the very men you sold the booze to! And then you had them arrested!”_

_“Competition is good for business, but it’s even better if you own the market. Then there’s more money to make.”_

_“More money? Have you looked at the mansion you live in!?”_

_Closing his eyes Loki yawned. “What exactly are you angry at? I’d rather not guess.”_

_“You’ve gone too far. What you are doing now is just… wrong. Now you are living on other people’s misery and don’t think I am not aware the kind of people who walk in and out of your saloons. Carrying guns and God knows what else. Every day I see you becoming more like the people in Chicago. The ones in the newspaper.”_

_This now had Loki laughing. “Al Capone? Oh, I wish. I would love to have that kind of exposure.”_

_“This is not funny.”_

_“Okay, then let’s get serious.” Standing back up Loki drank up his scotch. “You’ve come here, waving the newspaper, preaching to me about how bad and rotten I’ve become. What should happen now? What is the appropriate reaction? What is it that you expect of me, Steve? You will have to help me out, because I have honestly no idea.”_

_Just hearing that made Steve want to cry. “I want things to go back to normal. To how they were before this. When I didn’t have to worry about you ending up dead or other people ending up dead because of you.”_

_“What is it with you and all this drama lately? I am not killing anybody. What I am doing is having a lot of fun and making money of it. I am tired of you complaining about it. The two of us are extraordinary and we still have so much time ahead of us. So many years and you want to spend all that time living like a peasant. Why on earth would we do that? If I wanted that I could go back to Ic… We are not like everyone else. The rules don’t apply to us. Why should we live like everybody else?” The way Loki was looking at him broke Steve’s heart. For the simple reason that Loki meant it, Loki believed every single word that he was saying and Steve didn’t. This was something they couldn’t overcome._

_“I am sorry that you see it that way. Because I don’t and I don’t think that I can continue ignoring the things that you are doing. Pretending that it’s okay.”_

_“Alright. The door is wide open. Feel free to leave, I am not particularly fond of being judged by my supposedly best friend whenever I see him. Have a nice day, Mr. Rogers.”_

_***_

When Steve got home there was a white envelope lying on the floor. Somebody must have slipped it in underneath the door. While picking it up Steve could feel his heartbeat speeding up since he already knew who had written this letter. Loki had walked up to his front door. Loki had been here. Downright greedy Steve ripped open the envelope and discovered that the letter only contained a few lines.

_Tony, huh? Have you found your new best friend? Another arms dealer. You seem to have a thing for them. Hypocrisy thy name is Steve Rogers. He wouldn’t even have his big, evil company without me. Doesn’t it bother you at all that he paid for your dinner with money made by selling guns that definitely ended up killing somebody. Not that much of a big deal._

When Steve lowered the letter he was incapable of stopping himself from smiling.


	7. When I came back to you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everybody,
> 
> Prohibition is coming to an end and Loki and Steve still don't make up... :(
> 
> Have fun

_New York City - 1933_

_“Come on, let’s go and have a beer. I’ve waited so long to be able to say that again.” Michael patted Steve’s shoulder and everyone laughed in agreement. Steve couldn’t share their enthusiasm. For him it seemed like there never had been Prohibition. Not with Loki around. Probably the number one bootlegger in the city. Loki who Steve hadn’t talked to in over a year._

_Now it was December, the Volstead Act had been abolished and Steve knew that it didn’t change much, because Prohibition had not been the problem. It had merely provided the conditions for where they had ended up. That didn’t mean Steve didn’t feel a bit of hope. The desire to start over again had been there all along._

_So Steve ended up in front of Loki’s house again. A new one. Even bigger. Luxurious. Gorgeous. The maid who opened the door didn’t recognize him and Steve would never admit just how much it hurt to be a stranger in Loki’s house. At least he hadn’t been sent away. Steve waited in Loki’s beautiful salon and felt terribly out of place which made the entire situation even worse._

_When Loki showed up Steve tried to compare him to the Irishman he had met 15 years ago. Another face, another hair colour. Clothes so completely different. A normal soldier had become something similar to an aristocrat. Someone Steve had nothing to do with. When it clearly shouldn’t be like that. “I certainly did not expect to see you.”_

_“I… This was the first place I wanted to go to.”_

_“Why? You want to get legally drunk?”_

_Steve shook his head. “No, I… I don’t know. I want to… You don’t have a career in bootlegging anymore and maybe I am completely stupid, but I… kind of wish that we could start over. That things…”_

_Loki harshly cut him off. “That things go back to normal? We haven’t talked in a year and now that this ridiculous law is gone, you probably expect that we go back to the way things have been? Yeah, that’s in the past. I am not going to stop enjoying my life because you want to force your superior morals on me. No thank you.”_

_“There are no more wets and drys. Prohibition is over. So what are you going to do?”_

_Steve wasn’t prepared for the gorgeous smile that Loki offered him. “What I am going to do? God, I’ll never understand you. I can do anything. You could too if you only wanted to. There are endless possibilities. The world is ours for the taking and you simply refuse to.”_

_“Because I don’t want to live like a criminal.”_

_“It’s a pretty decent life.” Loki gestured around and Steve shook his head. “I guess I never cared as much about superficial things as you.”_

_“Here we go again. Would be it be so hard for you to stop judging me for five minutes?”_

_“How about you stop breaking the law? Haven’t you made enough money?”_

_“It’s not just about that. Life is way too long to be bored all the time.”_

_It was hopeless, Steve just didn’t know how to reach him, because Loki simply didn’t want him to. “Boring? That’s all our life before the bootlegging was to you?”_

_Rolling his eyes Loki pulled a face. “That’s not what I meant and you know it.”_

_“No, actually, I don’t know. I don’t know anything about you anymore. Sure, you’ve always tried to bend the rules and did as you pleased, but I’ve met you during the war. You were a soldier. I watched you helping people, fighting. Doing things that weren’t selfish. I haven’t seen that in quite some time. I really liked that guy. Luke. I also like Lewis. They were both great men. Gus? Not so much.”_

_“They are just names and faces, Steve.” Loki stated calmly. “Fronts for everybody else. With you I’ve always been Loki.”_

_Hearing those words had Steve’s chest tightening with anguish. “And yet I don’t even know what you look like.”_

_The sadness in his voice seemingly did nothing to change Loki’s tone. “Why does it matter? You don’t like the kind of person that I am, so why even care about my appearance?”_

_“It matters, because you are not willing to share anything and yet you demand that I accept everything you do, although I believe that it’s wrong! I cannot do that!”_

_“Then leave! You have ignored me for a year, I am sure you can go on doing that! Just don’t come back when you realise that you need me. Because I can adapt to whatever changes this world is still going to throw at us and you can’t. You refuse to. Let’s see how far you can get without me.”_

_***_

“Are you seeing someone?”

Steve looked up in confusion to see Natasha quirking an eyebrow at him. Completely unashamed, just straight out asking him something personal when Steve never shared private information. “I’m sorry, what?”

“I am asking you if you are seeing somebody. Going out with them. Dating. Getting laid.” Natasha was still completely deadpan and Steve asked himself if he had missed the first ten minutes of this conversation. “Okay, before I even consider answering your question, may I know why you are asking it?”

“You showed a significant change in behaviour. I am trying to analyse it.”

Now it was getting bizarre. “How am I acting any different than usual?”

“You want me to run down the list?”

Steve felt his stomach acting up. “There is a list?”

“You are checking your phone way more often than you used to. Also the last two weeks Sam didn’t come to pick you up for your work-out. I assume you had other plans. You skipped lunch a few times. Probably because you were scheduled to have dinner. So? Are you dating someone?” Her eyes were only mildly curious, but Steve had got to know her enough to know that she was dying to hear the answer.

Fortunately it was rather easy to give. “No, I am not seeing or dating anybody. I’ve made a new friend. That’s all.”

“How boringly tame.” Natasha sighed almost accusingly. “So why haven’t you called Sharon yet?”

Honestly, Steve had no idea why he told Tony about this. It made no sense and was an embarrassing story. Something that he should keep to himself and yet Steve found himself saying this while Tony was chewing on fried chicken. “My co-worker thinks I am dating you.”

Steve expected either bewilderment or laughter, not a slightly raised eyebrow. “That’s strange. She should know that I am way out of your league.”

“That is rude and not true.”

“Fine. You are too old for me. Usually I am the senior in a relationship.” Steve got to see one of Tony’s trademark smiles who were quite something to look at. It reminded him of Howard.

“Whatever. I thought it was weird.” With a shrug Steve tried to end this conversation despite him being the one who started it. Of course Tony wouldn’t have that. “Weird? Why??”

“I didn’t tell her anything. She just figured out that I didn’t immediately drive home every day of last week and since she has been trying to set me up for ages, she wants to believe that I’m seeing someone.”

Tony listened carefully like he always did before suddenly looking a tiny little bit sheepish. “Are you even into guys? Please say no, because then I would have to start questioning your relationship with my father and I cannot have that, because it would melt my brain. Okay?”

The mere idea of Howard even looking at another male in a romantic way had Steve bursting into laughter. So abruptly and out of nowhere that Tony seemed legitimately confused. “Did I miss something?”

Still chuckling Steve shook his head. “No, I’m sorry, I just couldn’t help it. Your father was the stereotype of a heterosexual male. All the women around him were charmed by him and he definitely enjoyed that. There were even one or two incidences that I was jealous of him because of that. Your worries are completely unfounded.”

“I wasn’t worrying. I was hoping to not be traumatised. Why were you jealous? Did he hit on your girl?”

The memory of Peggy’s face was still capable of causing Steve to feel a soft sting in his chest. “No, but I assumed as much. She wasn’t my girl and they were friends.”

Slowly nodding Tony kept digging for information and Steve realised that he didn’t mind. It was so different from Fury or other superiors trying to grill him. Tony was showing an actual interest in him while any other time he had been asked about his past the words had been written down in a file. For whatever purpose. It was nice to talk to someone who lacked an ulterior motive. “So girls then? No guys?”

A rather odd question, but once again Steve had no trouble answering it. He probably would have had a couple of years ago. “Both, actually.”

“Well, I guess you have to keep yourself busy when you’re immortal. Let me guess. Your forger boyfriend is still upset that you told him to get lost and now he is still looking for trouble.” Tony took a sip from his drink and Steve thought it would be a good idea to choke on his own. He opted for clearing his throat instead. “No, that’s not what our relationship was like. Intense sure, but completely platonic. I fought with him more than with anybody I have ever dated. With is a considerably small number, so I guess it doesn’t matter that much.”

“What are you talking about? You are over 130 years old. That’s more than enough time to get around.”

It was impossible to answer without pulling a face. “I don’t get around and it’s kind of hard to maintain a functioning relationship when you… don’t age. Eventually that comes up and needs to be discussed.”

With a curious gleam in his eyes Tony looked up. “Did you tell them about it?”

The memory caused a painful sting inside of his chest that was impossible to deny. Once more Steve wondered how long it might take to fade away. Right now Steve believed that this was never going to happen. Which was definitely better, because Steve didn’t know if he could take it if he ended up not caring anymore. “Peggy knew, but not because I told her. That’s a long story. James… he more or less suspected until I confirmed his suspicions that something was wrong. Both times it didn’t end well as you can imagine.”

“Hmm…” Tony hummed pensively and Steve thought that this was the very first time that he avoided looking at him. “Yeah, it’s rather harsh. I also wouldn’t like the idea of getting old and wrinkly while my partner stays perfectly young and gorgeous. Sounds cool for a while, then not so much.”

This was a train of thought that Steve had never really pursued, but the superficiality of it made him smile sadly. “It was more the idea of one withering away and the other one staying young. Having to watch the other one die and the fear of growing apart way too quickly.”

 ***

_New York City - 1942_

_In five years they had barely seen each other. They lived in other worlds now and although Steve would deny it if somebody was to ask, he kept track of what Loki was doing. He had changed his name and his face two more times. Now Loki was working as art dealer, he owned a gallery that Steve had even checked out once. After making sure that Loki would not be present._

_For a fleeting moment Steve had been tempted to believe that Loki had changed his mind again and had turned to a legit business. Obviously he had been wrong since there were constant reports of Loki getting his hands on incredibly rare paintings, some of them had even been considered lost and had now been re-found. Except that Steve knew better._

_During the war Steve had witnessed that Loki could copy anybody’s handwriting. Steve had never asked him how he did that, but since Loki could also look like anybody else, why shouldn’t he be capable of forging a signature. Perhaps he could even do more._

_They had talked exactly one single time. By accident. They had run into each other on the street. Steve didn’t like Loki’s new blonde hair and his grey eyes. He looked like a complete stranger except for the watch around his wrist. Steve felt a painful tug on his heartstrings. The few words that were exchanged were empty and meaningless._

_How are you doing?_

_Great. You?_

_Fantastic. And you?_

_Just wonderful._

_It didn’t matter. They continued walking in another direction and Steve wondered if Loki missed him as fiercely as he did. It wasn’t likely. Even if, Loki was too proud to ever admit it. Steve wasn’t much better since he couldn’t admit that Loki had been right. Steve wasn’t able to do this without him. Loki’s predictions had come true. 20 years ago they had come back from the war and Steve had built a life for himself with a job and friends. Now it was slipping away, because Steve had started to notice the glances that Loki had been talking about. People began to think that he was odd. That something was wrong with him and they were right. There was no way for Steve to hide his youthful face, the ease with which he moved and how he simply didn’t change physically. Also no way to explain it._

_Loki had been prepared for that, had been thinking ahead. At this time the two of them would probably already have left. Two very weird guys finding a new place. That wasn’t going to happen now._

_With a heavy heart Steve had had to handle it on his own. Which meant finding a new apartment to live in and a new job. With that came a new feeling of dread. That Steve’s very long life would be like this from now on. Going from one place to the next without ever really belonging anywhere or with anyone._

_Then came the war and Steve thought he might find a place where he could belong._

_Loki had no smile for him when Steve came back to him because he needed him. Not even gloating for being right. “Why should I ever help you getting involved in that disaster of a war?”_

_Maybe Steve should feel humiliated for crawling back to him and asking for help, but they were still friends. Asking a friend for help could never be a humiliation. “Because you were right. I cannot go there without your help.”_

_Shaking his head in disbelief Loki was staring at him. “We’ve been through one war already! Have you forgotten that? Maybe you thought that it was fun, I didn’t! There was death, blood and misery all around. Have you read the news? This time it’s only getting worse! The entire country is against this war and you want to go there voluntarily?! This is what you ask of me after not talking to me for years? Are you crazy?”_

_At least Loki’s temper hadn’t changed one bit, it was wonderfully familiar. “That is not what I ask of you. I am asking a favour. I remember the war, I remember it very well. The next one is already here and I don’t really have a place in this city anymore. I don’t really know what to do with myself, but I do know that I could help. I can help our guys. That’s what I want to do. I want to help. I want to be useful. I cannot go there, because my papers will raise some eyebrows. I am too old and… I don’t think I have to explain it to you. Please, Loki, this is the only thing I ask of you.”_

_The grey eyes, which Steve definitely didn’t like, were drilling into him. “This is what you ask of me? How did you even come up with the nerve to do that? You want me to make sure that you can go to war where you will get hurt or end up dead? That is not going to happen.”_

_Steve wanted to pull him into his arms and the only reason why he didn’t was him being sure that Loki wouldn’t let him. “Please. I have never asked something of you just for me. This is the only time I ever will. Could you please get me a piece of identification that says I am as old as I look? Please. I need to do this.”_

_“You need to do this? What about me? How am I going to feel like when I make that possible and you end up dead? Tell me! Am I supposed to be happy that I fulfilled your wish? You are a jerk. You condemn me for doing something and then you want me to do it for you when it suits you. It’s not going to happen, do you understand? Now leave me alone!”_

_***  
_

“He kinda had a point, you know.” Tony muttered before taking a big bite of his hotdog. As it turned out he didn’t mind talking with his mouth full. “You were picking and choosing as you pleased.”

“I’d like to think that it had nothing to do with selfishness and that I was doing it for the greater good or what I thought to be a good idea. I was trying to get into the army and not to… make a fortune.” Unlike Tony Steve didn’t have much of an appetite and mostly just looked at the hotdog in his hand. This was supposed to be a nice way to spend his lunchbreak, but somehow he was already feeling bad, although they had just started their little walk.

“I don’t see how the reason matters much. You are walking on thin ice when you are asking a person to do the very thing that you are giving them shit for.”

Steve made a mental note that Tony was indeed much more unforgiving than his father, he seemingly enjoyed pointing out Steve’s faults. Not in a hostile kind of way, Steve suspected that he was doing it out of sympathy for Loki. “There is no need to remind me of the fact that my plea was… questionable. I am aware. At the time I really didn’t know what else to do with myself.”

“I get it, don’t worry. It’s actually nice to hear that you aren’t a complete boy scout. You can’t get over 100 years old and never do anything stupid or dubious. So how did you get him to help you?” Tony was licking the mustard off his thumb and Steve asked himself if Howard would have ever done that. Probably not.

“I don’t know. That was the thing with him. He could be the most stubborn person in the world and then he would suddenly change his mind. Without explanation. I guess he always did what he wanted. For some reason he changed his mind. I don’t know why. Two days after talking to him I found a letter in my box. It contained a new passport. My own name, but with a changed birthdate. He gave me what I wanted. Without telling me why or asking for something. I took it and I went to war. Where I met your father and Peggy. I thought it would be a new start for Loki and me. A peace-offering. Damn, I was so wrong. Things got way worse between us.”


	8. After I left you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everybody,
> 
> Let's continue :)

_England - 1942_

_Steve had never thought much about it, but it definitely seemed like he was made for the army. During and after registration everybody gave him odd, but definitely positive looks. A little bit like he was a god-sent gift. Actually it wasn’t that hard to pretend being new to all of this since the military had undergone some severe changes. Steve didn’t have to do very much, the pieces seemed to fall perfectly into place on their own. He was sent to basic training and then everything was a bit different than it was supposed to be. Despite Steve’s best efforts a lieutenant rather quickly noticed that Steve’s skills exceeded the ones of his combatants by far._

_Physical fitness was impossible to hide, Steve’s body type alone gave him quickly away. Steve’s handling of arms also pleased his superiors and before he knew what was happening they were telling him he was going to be part of some special unit. Behind enemy lines. Not what Steve had bargained for, he had been an ordinary soldier back in the day. Nonetheless this was what he had come for. To do something good, to finally use his god given gifts for something. So after a few weeks Steve got on a plane and left the United States for the first time in over 20 years. It was an easy thing to do and yet Steve caught himself staring out of a window, wondering what Loki was doing. If he was fine. If he was going to miss him the same way._

_The moment Steve arrived in England there was so much happening around him that Loki was pushed into the back of his mind, but still always present. There was more training, Steve got to meet the other members of the unit. A group of fascinating and great young men. Also there was Peggy Carter._

 ***

“That story suddenly got infinitely more interesting.”

Steve rolled his eyes at Tony for that. One should assume that every part of the story of an invincible man fighting in the Second World War would be worth listening to. Instead Tony’s eyes only got now a little more attentive that Steve had mentioned a beautiful woman. Then again, Peggy deserved all the attention in the world.

“You are the worst. Do you know that?”

“Yes, I’ve been called that before. Every name in the book actually. Scum. Human piece of trash and so on. Nobody said it as nice as you did though.” Tony winked at him, shifted around to get more comfortable in the sea of cushions on this couch. Eventually he sipped on his glass of wine. “Go on. Tell me how you fell in love with a member of the British Armed Forces. A story for the ages.”

“You’re merely using me now for entertaining purposes.”

“For now. I’m dreading the moment Howard is going to enter this story. So please, let me have some fun with the part that includes a gorgeous woman.” Tony indicated him to continue and Steve smiled to himself, because he definitely did enjoy this. Talking about his life with somebody. Actually talking. Without leaving out most of it or making up parts that Steve would forget afterwards anyway. How long had it been since he had talked about Peggy?

“Alright… where was I? Peggy. She was one of the training supervisors. An extraordinary position to obtain for a woman in the 40s. I think that’s a good word to describe her. Extraordinary. She was such a beautiful woman and that wasn’t even the first thing you noticed about her. It was her presence, aura. Highly competent, demanding, smart and fierce. None of the guys ever made the mistake to underestimate her or speak out of line in her presence. I’d say I was charmed instantly, but I also… intimidated isn’t the right word. Let’s say I had so much respect for her that I was afraid to even look at her in the wrong way.”

“Sounds great so far. The guy who doesn’t age and who is more or less invincible meets a woman and is too scared to make a move. Kind of sad.”

“She was my instructor. It would have been completely inappropriate.”

Tony shrugged and a wicked grin was playing around his lips. “Only makes it more interesting. So how did you get it on?”

“I really don’t like the way you are talking about this.”

“Come on, it’s not the 40s anymore. Get the stick out of your ass. I am sure it was all very classy and tasteful. So?”

Steve sighed and continued, knowing very well that Tony wouldn’t like the next part of his tale. “I guess we were friends. We enjoyed talking to each other, it was easy-going and things easily might have continued that way if it wasn’t for your father.”

Instantly Tony’s face fell. “Ah, there you go. I’m already starting to like this story less and less. Way to ruin it for me.”

 ***

_Without question in a good mood Steve made his way towards the main building of the base. He had been asked to meet up with the commander in chief and Peggy. He had no idea what this was going to be about, but he had no reason to be worried at this time._

_The colonel’s secretary nicely told him to wait for a short moment and Steve did just that in front of the office door. He could laughter from the other side which was rather expected since colonel Phillips was a stern person who hardly ever smiled. Steve considered that a good sign. Eventually Steve was asked inside, formerly greeted the colonel and Peggy and then realised that there also was another man in the room._

_“Rogers, this is Howard Stark, head of Stark Industries. You might have heard of him.” Phillips introduced them and Howard shook Steve’s hand with a bright smile. “I’d be shocked and humiliated if you hadn’t. Pleasure to meet you, Rogers.”_

_Howard Stark was a man who knew how to make an impression. He was good looking, smooth, a fast talker and oozing with self-confidence. So much that Steve was almost put off from it at the very first moment. He had no time to think about that too much, because Phillips quickly revealed to him why he was here. Stark was working on several government projects, everything of course top secret and now he was here personally to supply Steve’s unit with some revolutionary weapon technology. Evidently Stark had designed some new types of arms that would make the Germans run away and tremble with fear._

_Steve’s job was quite simple. He had been chosen to work with Stark to test the weapons, to see if they would fit their needs. Evidently Peggy had recommended him and that gave Steve a ridiculously warm and fuzzy feeling. Completely inappropriate, but he couldn’t help it._

_“It would be an honour to work with you, sir.”_

_“Great. Let’s meet up in my workshop in one hour. Agent Carter, I’ll see you at dinner tonight.” With a bounce in his step Howard walked off and the fuzzy feeling became quickly a relic of the past._

_***_

“Way to go, Howard. Always running it for everybody else.” Tony was grumbling, taking a big sip from his wine and Steve was quick to shake his head. “That’s not what happened and not what I said.”

“It was definitely what I heard. None of it is a surprise. He’s always been skirt chaser. Even during the marriage to my mother. Trust him to do something completely out of line.”

Steve again felt the urge to defend Tony’s father, but he thought the rest of his story was going to do that anyway. “I have to admit that this little throw-away comment had me a bit jealous. It was a strange, honestly new feeling and I needed some time to figure it out. Kind of unnecessary, because Peggy had no interest at all in your father, although they had quite a good relationship. That was just the way he was. Anyway, I started working with your father that day and I greatly enjoyed doing that. We had pleasant conversations and Howard was completely different from pretty much all the people I’ve met during all my life. Sure, Loki was also smart, educated, eloquent and witty, but he also was… so different, far away from ordinary people. I happened to underestimate his intelligence. One day he showed me a new kind of metal that he had been working on. Some kind of alloy which was supposed to be hard enough to withstand any kind of attack.”

“Vibranium.” Tony muttered under his breath. “I saw it mentioned in his notes. Nice idea, but illusory.”

“Yeah, it didn’t work out. There was this idea to create a shield. We worked with it when things went wrong and I almost ended up in a lot of trouble. We had already tried several fire arms at it and the shield had withstood just fine. Peggy had joined us that day and when we had been already done, she tried something else. Instead of firing another weapon at it, she slammed the handle of rifle against it and the shield shattered in my hands.”

 ***

_“Oh my god, are you hurt?”_

_The pain was indeed racing through Steve’s hand, pulsing and burning, but it was so hard to not concentrate on Peggy’s wide, worried eyes. It was an odd moment to think about how beautiful she was._

_“Well, that shouldn’t have happened…” Howard mumbled a bit absently and Peggy was reaching out to Steve. Fortunately sanity kicked back in that very moment and Steve pulled away. “It’s fine. I’m okay. Nothing to worry about.”_

_“Sure, you like to play the tough guy, but there is blood dripping to the floor. Give me your hand, so we can bandage it.”_

_That was an order and yet Steve couldn’t let her see his hand, because tomorrow the wound might be gone and how was he supposed to explain this to her then? This entire thought process was taking too long anyway, because Peggy now had already grabbed his wrist and inspected the nasty cut across his palm. “This is bad. We need to get you to ward.”_

_“Damn. I am sorry, Rogers. Bad quality is not usually part of my work.”_

_That was Howard talking to him, but Steve was busy looking at Peggy who was still looking at the cut until she raised her head and their eyes met. The thoughts about the trouble he was in and the pain went puff. All gone. Instead Steve looked at Peggy and he felt unable to deal with how beautiful she was and how he wished for having met her earlier, outside of the war. Peggy wasn’t looking away, her eyes were marvellous and they were completely soft. Neither of them said anything and Steve felt a connection. Like she was a person that he could be close to._

_Then a strange noise made it all go away. Howard was clearing his throat. “I don’t mean to impose, but Steve is still bleeding all over the floor.”_

_“Oh, right.” With slightly pink cheeks Peggy reached for Howard’s jacket which he had previously thrown on a chair and wrapped it around Steve’s hand._

_“You’re welcome. That was a 100 dollar jacket. Glad to be of service.”_

_Despite Steve’s inner turmoil he was brought to the ward and the doctor stitched up his hand. The entire time Steve thought about how in a few days there wouldn’t even be a scar and how the hell was he supposed to keep that a secret? Then that thought moved into the background and Steve thought of Peggy’s eyes._

_When the doctor was done with him Steve was sitting here, looking at his bandaged hand without really seeing it. It had been a long time since he had been close to anyone. That he had felt like he could share his thoughts with someone. How odd since Loki was so far away._

_A hand was being placed on his shoulder, patting it gently. “How about we tell nobody about how the indestructible shield broke into pieces while being tested by a woman?”_

_“Are you worried about your reputation?”_

_“Me? No. Never.” Howard smirked as he sat down next to him. “It would just spare us a lot of paperwork.”_

_Smiling in amusement Steve shook his head. “Alright. I’m not going to say anything.”_

_“Great. I am not going to say anything either.”_

_Confused Steve raised an eyebrow. “About what?”_

_A smirk played around Howard’s lips. “About you and Agent Carter drowning in each other’s eyes.”_

_“What? No. We were not…”_

_“No, of course not.” One pat on the shoulder. “It’s not like it’s blatantly obvious.”_

_Steve wished he could dig a hole and crawl into it to disappear forever._

_***_

“That’s so typical. He can’t keep out of other people’s business.” It also wasn’t a surprise that Tony was searching for every minor detail to be upset about his father.

“He was right though, it was pretty obvious.”

Tony rolled his eyes in annoyance. “Go on.”

 ***

_Three days later Steve was staring at his white palm. Looking like no sharp metal had ever grazed it. Peggy had shown too much concern to not personally make sure that the doctor had done a good job. How strange to feel so good about something and to wish it would be different at the same time. Sighing hopelessly Steve wrapped his hand back up in bandages to cover up the truth._

_The next meeting with Howard went down like it usually did until Steve noticed that the other man was glancing every now and then at his hand. Trying to hide his discomfort Steve casually asked if something was wrong._

_“No. Not at all.”_

_Yeah, Steve didn’t believe it._

_About one hour later they were interrupted by Phillips who entered the workshop together with Peggy and a man whose uniform had to be the most decorated which Steve had ever seen. Phillips introduced him as General Rhodes who was here to get some updates on their progress._

_“Progress and work done are both marvellous and I am not going to pretend that I am not hurt by your question. Every project that I am involved in is a success.”_

_For Steve it was rather easy to let Howard talk, although it definitely was inappropriate in the presence of a general. Who had a horribly stern face and seemed incapable of smiling. “Mr. Stark, you are receiving a lot of government funding, therefore I would be most grateful if you weren’t treating this project as a joke and presented me the actual results. Instantly.”_

_“No cup of tea first since we’re in England? No? Alright. Your loss.” Howard started to run down facts and figures while mentioning every three seconds that of course everything that he was doing was perfect._

_Steve remained silent, but instantly noticed when Peggy stepped closer to him. “How is your hand doing?” She was only whispering, but once again Steve could hear that she cared and that was such a simple thing to make him happy._

_“It’s fine, thank you. Don’t worry about it.”_

_When Howard had finished his report the general didn’t look anything but impressed. “Thank you, Mr. Stark. Now I would like to hear the opinion of a member of the military. Do you mind giving me and Rogers some privacy?”_

_Steve could imagine about a million things that he would rather do than talking to the general alone, but he didn’t have any choice. Especially since everybody else was already clearing the room._

_“Sir?”_

_Rhodes was staring him down and Steve wondered what he had already done to piss off a superior that he had just met._

_“You do realise that he is already suspecting something?”_

_“Sir?”_

_“Oh, stop that, Steve. Stark! He is on to you! Nobody is that interested in a bandaged hand for no reason. Since you were already stupid enough to hurt yourself when other people are around, I’m offering you a ride out of here.”_

_Rendered speechless Steve stared at the highly decorated general who was at least 50 years old and who was absolutely nothing like… “Loki.”_

_“What? Do you want applause for solving a non-existent mystery?”_

_Finally Steve stepped out of his trance and there was too much shock to even feel happy to see Loki. That Loki had come to England. For him. “What are you doing here?”_

_“Clearing up the mess that you made?”_

_“What… Are you mad? Pretending to be a general? If someone catches you…”_

_Loki rolled his eyes and even ran a hand down his face. “Seriously? If someone catches me? How long do you know me? That annoying, unpleasant man Stark knows that something is wrong with you. He’ll figure it out and I don’t have to explain to you what’s going to happen then!”_

_Steve hesitated, overwhelmed by the situation. He hadn’t seen Loki in months, now he was suddenly here, claiming that Steve needed to go, because Howard suspected that he was special? Granted it wasn’t that much of a stretch. They were spending a lot of time with each other and only a few minutes ago Howard had been staring at Steve’s hand. Yet none of it scared Steve like it probably should. “So what if he suspects? He doesn’t know.”_

_“He may be a fool, but he is not stupid. He will figure it out.” Loki’s voice was full of resentment and Steve wasn’t okay with that. “Don’t do that. Don’t come here and insult my friend.”_

_“Your friend?! Right, why am I even surprised? Always trying to get along with everybody. That is Steve Rogers for you. He is working for the military and the government! What is going to happen when he finds out that you are… An invincible soldier who does not age. You will be put in a cage for them to experiment on. So don’t be stupid and let’s leave.”_

_All Steve could do was huffing in response. “You don’t know him, you don’t know what he would do.”_

_“It’s what anybody would do.”_

_“He is not anybody.”_

_“Yes, he is an arrogant idiot who talks down to people and believes he was enlightened with all the world’s knowledge.”_

_“Are you talking about yourself or about Howard?”_

_Loki’s mouth dropped open, but as always he quickly got a grip. “You are not seriously implying that you would trust him with that information?”_

_Steve shrugged. He honestly didn’t know, but it didn’t seem like the oddest thing in the world. “You don’t know the people here. I do. They are good people and I trust them, because they’re all here for the same reason. We’re leaving for the continent soon and I’m not going to run away because of some suspicions.”_

_As usual Loki didn’t hide his frustration. “Oh, I get it. You need to kiss the girl first before you can do anything else. Just so you know, that is incredibly stupid.”_

_Now there was anger and Steve didn’t feel at like controlling himself. “Don’t. You have no right. And since when have you been hiding here?”_

_“Half a minute would be enough to look right through this. Steve, I mean it. They’re going to find out and you cannot want that. We have to go.”_

_Anger turned to sadness and Steve looked at Loki. A completely unfamiliar face. “Maybe I want exactly that? Have you thought about that? That I want somebody to know, so there is someone I can freely talk to?”_

_There was a frown on Loki’s face and it hurt that he didn’t understand. “That’s me. You can talk to me.”_

_“No, I can’t. Not really. It’s been 25 years and I still know nothing about you. I wish we would have the relationship that you claim we have, but we don’t. Perhaps you simply don’t want that, but I might have the chance to have that with someone else and is my decision. Not yours.”_

_Loki bit his lip and Steve could hear him taking a sizzling breath. “Alright. Do as you please, but when you spill the beans, don’t think about mentioning my name.”_

_Those had to be the last words he had for Steve since Loki was turning away._

_“Loki, come on, don’t just leave. You came all the way…”_

_“You have other people to talk to. I am no longer needed.”_


	9. When you were not there

_For an entire week Steve kept staring at people’s faces. Somewhat desperately trying to find a hint or any kind of trace that Loki might still be around. That he hadn’t just left without a word. After all he had come across the sea for Steve and now he was going to run? Then again Loki was so stubborn and impulsive. Steve could see him never coming back into his life again and that was a severely painful thought. Also it was constant and distracting thought that almost had him ending up in trouble. In the worst possible way._

_In the workshop with Howard he was terribly distracted, staring into nowhere until Howard snapped his fingers in front of his face. “Earth to Rogers!”_

_Startled Steve looked into the other’s smiling eyes. “Thinking about someone more attractive?”_

_Steve felt the blood rushing to his cheeks since this was clearly an allusion to Peggy and Steve was thinking about her a lot. Except for now when he was worrying about Loki’s absence. “I am sorry. I was lost in thought.”_

_“Yeah, I figured.” Howard shrugged, his amusement clearly visible. “By the way I am sorry too.”_

_Confused Steve forgot about Loki for a second. “Sorry for what?”_

_“This.”_

_The sharp sting of pain jolted through Steve’s lower arm and he instantly jumped back. “What did you do?”_

_Still smiling with all of his charm Howard held up a little knife that he sometimes used to work on his gadgets. “I slipped. Do we need to patch you up?”_

_Quickly Steve covered the part of his skin with his hand where Howard had supposedly cut him. “Why would you do that?”_

_“Because I want to see if you’re actually bleeding. Come on, show me. Nah, you don’t have to. There is no blood on the knife.”_

_There might be no blood on the knife but the one in Steve’s veins definitely ran cold. Of course Loki had been right, Howard had been suspecting. Rightly so. “What are you even talking about?”_

_“I definitely felt it cutting into your skin. Go ahead. Show me. Don’t leave me hanging! I am way too excited!”_

_True enough, Howard seemed to be filled with glee and that took Steve aback. So much so that Howard jumped at the opportunity. He grabbed Steve’s wrist and pulled. It was only a glimpse, but it was enough. Now Howard had seen that the knife had not been enough to hurt him. The reaction was pure amazement. “Yes! Oh, my god, I knew it! How much I love being right. Did it even hurt?”_

_The damage was done. Steve surrendered himself to something that he couldn’t change. And it if this was the best thing that could happen to him? Didn’t he want someone to know? Someone to talk to who wasn’t talking in his shoes. Someone normal. Someone who wouldn’t walk away from him like Loki had just done._

_Perhaps it was spite or disappointment, but the thought of Loki made him want to tell Howard. To blurt out all his secrets, so Loki wouldn’t be the only one he had shared them with. Because Loki had never shared anything with him. Sometimes Steve wondered if Loki even was his real name. Then again, why shouldn’t it be? Steve had no idea and that made him furious and sad at the same time._

_Giving up Steve shook his head slowly. “No, it did not hurt. It’s like a piece of paper brushing over my skin.”_

_“That is amazing…” Sheer excitement was all over Howard’s face and it was something Steve had never seen with Loki. Of course not, why should Loki be amazed by Steve’s invulnerability when he could change his face and body to anything he want? No more thinking about Loki. Comparisons didn’t do him any good. “I kind of guessed, but actually seeing it. Just for the record, what would happen if I fired a bullet at you?”_

_“It would bounce off.”_

_“Sure?”_

_“Been there, done that.”_

_“That is amazing! Mostly because I was able to create a metal that could actually hurt you, but it’s also amazing just in general. So what is your deal?”_

_“My what?”_

_Howard gestured exaggeratedly with that big, happy smile on his face. “Was this a magic spell or have you always been like this? Oh and does anybody know about your… attributes?”_

_That was such an odd word to use that Steve had to smile a bit. “Nobody. Nobody knows.”_

_“Good. That should definitely stay like that. Half of the guys here in a uniform would faint with excitement if they knew… Okay, I’m not any better, but with me it’s for the right reasons. Scientific reasons. Come on, this calls for a beer. Let’s go.”_

_Steve didn’t really know what was happening to him when Howard grabbed his arm and pulled him outside. They ended up in a dark but cosy pub, Howard ordering them two beers before gazing at him with the wide eyes of a child. “Now I am all ears. I need to know everything.”_

_But Steve didn’t need to tell him anything. Except that he wanted to. There should be someone who knew about him. So Steve started talking, it felt like hours and Howard interrupted him over and over again to let him know what he thought about this. It was all excitement and awe. For Steve it was pure relief._

_Eventually, after two more beers and making the waitress blush deeply Howard leaned back in his chair, looking at Steve almost admirably. “You are the fittest 60 year-old that I’ve ever seen.”_

_“Thank you, I guess.”_

_“It’s absolutely great that I know, but we really need to be careful about everybody else. Military men might get the idea of a perfect soldier and nobody wants that. They get invasive incredibly quickly.”_

_Steve shook his head. “I don’t plan on sharing this with anyone else. I didn’t plan on letting you know.”_

_“Good thinking.” Howard took a sip from his beer. “Can’t help me from finding out, I am a genius. Anyway… we definitely do not want you to end up in a lab with creeps doing experiments on you, but… would you mind me trying to find out a little bit about you? I mean your diamond skin and what you can do? It should be fun to find out if you are really as strong as you claim to be.”_

_Howard even winked at him and Steve laughed. It felt like the first time in ages doing that. “Alright. Let’s see.”_

_Right there Steve wondered if it would have always been so easy or if Howard was just special. Probably the later. “Great. We’ll come back to that since you will forget all about my presence in three seconds.”_

_Steve raised an eyebrow in confusion. “Why?”_

_Grinning widely Howard made a small movement with his head, indicating Steve to look at the door. Which he did. There was Peggy, wearing a red dress and looking too beautiful to be anything else than a fantasy that he made up. He would end up staring, so Steve instantly turned back to Howard who seemed ready to fall over with laughter. Luckily he was kind enough to not actually do it. “Maybe I should rethink my last statement. You don’t look like a 60 year-old and she makes you look like you are still in your teens.”_

_“What? What is that supposed to…”_

_“Oh please, I get it. A woman like that… She must be used having that effect on a lot of people. Unlike most people though you might have a similar effect on her.”_

_That felt a little bit like a slap. A very surprising one, but Steve couldn’t pretend that it was bad. “What are you saying?”_

_Howard huffed, seemingly frustrated with him and Steve could see how much fun he was having with it. “Dear Lord, it’s completely possible that you haven’t noticed yourself. How do you go through life being that oblivious? Yes, she is also getting flustered just being around you, she is just way better at hiding it than you are. It’s disgustingly sweet and I am going to leave you to it. Where is that lovely waitress?”_

_Without another word Howard got up from their table, strolling towards the bar and Steve had no idea what to do. He had to think of something really quickly though since Peggy was looking at him now, a tentative smile playing around her lips. The butterflies in his stomach did remind Steve of a teenager and he decided that he wouldn’t be a coward about it. That was something Loki had liked to accuse him of._

_His steps were steady and Steve sure hoped that he looked confident while he was feeling like running away screaming. In front of Peggy he didn’t have a clue what to say. Unfortunately Peggy did the work for him. “Steve, I didn’t expect you to see you out and about with Stark. Where is your companion?” She was referring to Howard and the waitress and Steve thought he was already blushing. What a great start._

_“No, he is… That’s not why. Do you want a drink?” Every word was drenched with awkwardness and yet Peggy still smiled which made it hard for Steve not to do the same._

_“I was rather hoping you would ask me to dance.”_

_The heart in his chest beat a little too fast and yes, Steve would like to do that. “Unfortunately there is no music.”_

_“Right. Then I will have to settle for that drink.”_

_The next two hours Steve spent caught up in a strange nimbus of trying not to make a fool out of himself and feeling more comfortable than he had ever been in his entire life. Being around this gorgeous woman and talking to her seemed so natural and came easily. Yet Steve couldn’t stop himself from stumbling over his words every now and then and from asking himself if he was saying the right things._

_Peggy never stopped smiling and perhaps she was indulging him even when Steve said the wrong things. Steve told her about his home, about New York, how he missed it and also about how glad he was to be here. Not because he was eager to fight a war, but he felt like he was doing something right._

_“I am sure you feel that way. You are a good man, Steve.”_

_Somehow it felt like these words meant a greater deal coming from her._

_“Any other reason that might make it worth being here?” She didn’t sound flirtatious, not like a lot of other girls Steve had met. No, she appeared to be tentatively hopeful. The way she lowered her eyes made her look vulnerable which was something that Steve had never thought about. That was the moment now, right? When he was supposed to say that he would have gone pretty much anywhere it that had meant meeting her._

_Steve’s tongue was too heavy to move and he froze. The moment passed so quickly. Peggy cleared her throat, pulled slightly back and mumbled something about it being late and having to leave. Minutes after she was gone Howard gave him a pat on the shoulder. “That was embarrassing.”_

_Yes, Steve didn’t need the confirmation, he already felt like an idiot and the urge to scream. The air inside the pub suddenly seemed thick and so full of cigarette smoke, making him raspy. Quickly Steve excused himself and walked outside. For a brief second he hoped that he would still see a glimpse of Peggy, but the street was empty except for a few men in uniforms lingering around in front of the pub, smoking and drinking._

_Feeling like a complete screw-up Steve walked a few steps before leaning against the wall of house, tilting his head up to look at the night sky. The scent of cigarettes filled his nose and for the first time in years, maybe even decades Steve craved a smoke. Right next to him was another man, sucking lazily on his cigarette, seemingly completely unaware of Steve’s presence. Well, why go outside if you didn’t want to be alone?_

_“Excuse me, could I possibly borrow a smoke?”_

_The soldier lifted his head and Steve thought that he might be sick since his face was so pale. The contrast to his black hair was rather harsh. “Sure.”_

_Just like that he handed Steve a cigarette and Steve thought he could hear in that single word that the other one wasn’t English nor American. “Thank you.”_

_Steve took a drab from the cigarette and his body instantly reacted with a harsh cough. The black haired man glanced at him without showing any real kind of reaction on his face. It gave Steve the opportunity to see that his eyes were green though. Feeling the urge to explain himself Steve smiled shyly. “It’s been a really long time since I’ve had one…”_

_“What better time to pick back up a bad habit?” The other one loosely held his own cigarette between his fingers, almost making it look like it was an extension of his body. By now Steve could tell for sure that he was not English and he had still no idea where to place him. “You are not from around here.”_

_“Neither are you.” He glanced at Steve’s uniform with not much of an interest and then continued smoking._

_Apparently he was not much of a talker and it was none of Steve’s business, but his only other choice was thinking about how he screwed up with Peggy, so Steve preferred a conversation. “Yeah, I am Steve. From New York.” He held out his head and the other one looked at him a bit funny before taking it. His skin was surprisingly cool. “Amar.”_

_Strange name, it sounded odd to Steve’s Anglophone ears. “Where are you from?”_

_“End of the world. Also known as Iceland.”_

_That was interesting. Steve had never met someone from that island and definitely seemed like something out of this world to him. Something he did not know anything about. Except that Americans were stationed on Iceland to protect it from a possible German invasion and that no Icelandic soldiers had been involved in the war. Until now. “You are far away from home.”_

_“Not as far as you, but I guess with where I am from… it’s always and everywhere far from home.”_

_“So what brings you here? Sharing your cigarettes with an American who just decided that he will not continue this habit.”_

_Steve offered the other one a smile, but Amar didn’t smile back. He didn’t seem unfriendly or annoyed and Steve wondered if he just didn’t smile much. If he wasn’t a happy person._

_“For me any reason to leave home is a good reason.”_

_Taken aback by that statement Steve started at him and finally the other one smiled in amusement. “Did I shock you?”_

_“I am sorry, I am just… surprised. I spent so much time in the presence of soldiers and all they ever talk about is going home. Hearing you say the exact opposite is… unexpected.”_

_The other one hummed softly. “Do you want to go home, Steve from New York?”_

_This was the second time that Steve was rendered speechless, confronted with something that he hadn’t been aware until now. Or something that he hadn’t thought about until now. “I guess I don’t. Not now at least.”_

_There was Peggy and there was Howard. The option about being normal at least for a while._

_“Then we do have something in common.”_

_“So what is Iceland like that you had to get out of there?”_

_Amar huffed and then stepped on the remains of his cigarette. “Empty. Vast. Cold. Breathtakingly beautiful. There are parts of it that no outsider has ever stepped a foot in. By outsiders I don’t mean people who aren’t Icelandic, but anyone who wasn’t born in that particular spot. I was born in a very particular spot. A village so isolated and hidden away that outsiders only stumble upon it every other decade. When they do, they get offered mead or something else to drink. If the sun has already set they will be offered a bed to sleep in and the next morning they will be asked to leave and to never return. A village of not more than 75 people who keep to themselves. Who revel in isolation.”_

_Having lived in New York for all his life isolation was something Steve could not rely to. It was almost impossible to imagine. “And you didn’t want to live in isolation anymore and went to war? You could have moved to another place.”_

_“I did and then I moved even further. What about you? Why are you here?”_

_That was a good question. One that he couldn’t answer. Not to a stranger anyway. “I am…”_

_“There you are. It’s late and the beer isn’t getting any better. Want to head back to the camp?” Howard gently nudged him into the ribs, startling Steve anyway. “Hey, since when do you smoke? Be careful with it. Makes your teeth turn yellow. Except for cigars of course. Anyhow, are we leaving?”_

_Looking at the half-burnt cigarette in his hand Steve nodded. “Yes, sure.”_

_Steve sent the Icelandic soldier another smile. “Thank you again. Good night. Take care.”_

_Amar nodded silently and made a small gesture with his hand that was probably supposed to say goodbye._

_***_

“So my old man found out about you. Not that I am impressed. What about the tests? Did he find something out about your… super powers?” Tony raised an eyebrow at him and Steve smiled at the used term.

“Yes, but not what he wanted to know. He wanted to find out how it worked. How my skin could withstand all kinds of attacks and he didn’t get there. Pissed him off royally.”

“Yeah, I can imagine. What about your girl? Did you get another chance?”

“Yes…”


	10. Then I started over

_Being in love was strange. Granted, Steve didn’t have much experience in this apartment, but now he would describe it was very overwhelming. It was even odder to have the whole thing happening during war time. When everybody was miserable and sad for very good reason, Steve almost constantly wore a smile on his lips. After the initial awkwardness things changed out of a sudden and so very quickly much in Steve’s favour._

_Perhaps he also owed it to Howard’s complete bluntness. After another uncomfortable session in the workshop Howard continued to give them annoyed and seemingly exasperated looks until he simply asked “Are you two eventually stop that ridiculous dance around each other or do I need to continue pretending that I don’t know what is going on?”_

_Peggy had cleared her throat, trying to avoid everybody’s gaze and Steve was sure that he had blushed deeply and Howard only shook his head, giving up on them. Luckily Steve didn’t. He offered to walk Peggy home and he honestly had no idea how the following events took place, he was merely happy that it had happened._

_Steve didn’t know who had initiated the kiss and it ultimately didn’t matter. What did matter was the taste of Peggy’s lips, the soft scent of her hair and the feel of her body against his. From that moment on Steve was pretty much walking on air and naturally Howard was having his fun with it. Constantly he was wearing that knowing, amused smirk on his lips and Steve was just too happy to be annoyed. So Steve had a certain expectations when Howard sat him down one evening. What else could it be about than Peggy?_

_They had a beer in the workshop and Steve only slowly realised that this setting seemed more serious than he had thought._

_“Have you started thinking about what you are going to do after the war?”_

_Slightly confused Steve shook his head. “I haven’t been to war yet and no. I hope that it will end soon, but at the moment I can’t really picture anyone thinking about what will happen after the war when it isn’t done yet.”_

_“See, that must be the business man in me, but I cannot think about anything else. About new opportunities that will open up. Oddly enough I am not only thinking about what this is going to be like for me, but also for you. You should come up with a plan, Rogers.”_

_Now this had to be an allusion to Peggy and Steve was blushing again and he had a warm, fuzzy feeling in his stomach. “I believe that it’s a bit soon to make any kind of plans…”_

_“Actually the opposite is the case. Time is working against you here. You’ve already used false documents to come here, we’ve discussed this. We don’t really know what how your aging process is going to continue, but after everything you’ve told me I feel it’s safe to assume that you’re going to outlive pretty much everybody who is alive right now. That’s going to become a problem rather sooner than later. It’s going to become harder and harder to navigate in the real world if you don’t have the means to tell and prove other people where you come from. That fake passport buys you some time, but after another 10 years it will be useless. Any idea what to do about that?” Howard’s gaze was honestly curious and it turned the taste of beer in Steve’s mouth bitter._

_“I know… but I frankly don’t want to think about it too much. There is not much that I can do. Except moving from one place to another.”_

_Like Loki had told him to._

_Howard reacted very differently, he waved that idea off. “Now that should be avoidable. It needs some planning though. I could help you with it if you want to. Having the necessary resources and all.”_

_“That’s… very kind, but I really do not want to go over this now. I guess this is not a very smart move, but I am kind of in a good place now and I want to keep it that way for a little bit before ruining it with… worrying about the future.” Steve felt like there could have been no worse way for him to explain that and he was grateful when Howard let him off the hook easily. “Okay, I get that. You just got the girl, you really don’t want bad reality to catch up with you. Just keep in mind that our dear Miss Carter is smart girl. Eventually she is going to notice that you are unbreakable and forever young. If you want to know my honest and modest opinion, you should try and make sure that nobody else learns about your special talents. People tend to have the worst ideas, especially during wartime.”_

_****_

“I don’t like it when he’s right, but he’s right.” Tony stated softly, absently peeling the label off the beer bottle in his hands. Steve didn’t say anything for a while, because he had a feeling that Tony needed a moment of silence. Eventually Tony asked what had happened then.

“I went to war. I don’t want to go into detail, because it has nothing to do with your father and it was war. It was horrible, I missed Peggy and I thought about Loki a lot, wondering if I was ever going to see him again. When the war had finally ended I returned back home to New York. Peggy was there too. „We started a relationship and I guess I can honestly say that the late forties were about the happiest time of my life. Not that I was unhappy before, but it was something vastly different. It took Peggy about 10 months to put the pieces together and then she promptly asked me if Howard and me had done some strange experiment that had ended up with me becoming invulnerable. I would have liked to say yes, because that would have only been half of the story. The easy half.”

Tony nodded in understanding. “Let me guess, you weren’t going to start off your relationship with a pretty big lie. Normally I do think too much honesty in a relationship is a bad idea, but in your case it would be very hard to keep the lie going. Not aging and stuff. How did she react when you told her the truth?”

“The way she was. Amazingly. She was obviously stunned, a bit fascinated, but she still didn’t treat it as a big deal. I felt normal around her and I could tell her everything. The most wonderful thing was that she did the same. She told me about her fears and ambition, the devastating loss of her brother. She was sharing things with me and that was something entirely new to me. That somebody I was this close to was willing to open up. I really got to know her. Unlike Loki…”

The second Steve mentioned him he could see the change in Tony’s expression. Slowly he started to scrutinize him as if he was searching for something in Steve’s face that would reveal a badly hidden lie. “When you compare the two of them, does that mean you’ve had the same type of relationship with both of them?”

“I just told you that it was different because…”

“No, that’s not what I mean. The way you describe your relationship and compare it to your girlfriend, it doesn’t sound as platonic as you claim it to be.”

Even at his age Steve wasn’t able to stop himself from blushing although there was no reason to feel embarrassed. “Of course we were close. How couldn’t we be when there was nobody else like us.”

“And you are sure that he didn’t have the hots for you and was pissed off that you didn’t feel the same way? Or didn’t get how he was feeling?”

There was another thing that Steve couldn’t help himself with, he had to laugh. Tony’s bewildered expression didn’t make it any better. “The idea of Loki not blatantly saying what he is thinking or feeling is… inconceivable. He would have straight out told me that I am stupid for not noticing what is going on. How did we end up talking about this when the original conversation was about my relationship to Peggy?”

Tony answered with a shrug. His body language made clear that he didn’t think the progression of their conversation was strange at all. “I enjoy your little love story, it’s really cute and I’m still amazed my jerk-off father didn’t steal her from you. However, the story about your equally immortal, shapeshifting friend is more exciting. Because of the shapeshifting and criminal record.”

“I didn’t come here to talk about Loki but about your father.”

“Fine, then let’s get back to the topic everybody hates talking about.”

_***_

_New York. 1946_

_“Tell me about your father…”_

_Peggy’s voice got him right back from the edge of falling asleep. It was one of these rare moments of perfection. Them lying on a cosy blanket somewhere in Central Park, enjoying the sunlight on their skin. Steve could feel every breath that Peggy took as her head was resting on his chest. They could stay like this forever. “Sadly I don’t remember much about him.”_

_“I don’t mind. Little things. Big things. Whatever you remember at the moment.”_

_“I remember thinking that he was so tall. My neck hurting from looking up to him. You don’t realise that as a kid, but when I look back now I think that he was beautiful. Blonde like me. Always speaking in a rather hushed voice. I don’t remember him ever hugging me, but he liked to stroke over my hair. And the Irish accent… yeah, I remember that very well.”_

_Peggy’s hand came to rest on his stomach. It was a gentle, reassuring gesture. “How did he die?”_

_“In a boat accident. He drowned.”_

_Moving around a bit Peggy propped her head up on her hand to look at him. “So it was your mom who told you about… him having these special abilities? Did she know that you would have them too?”_

_“She knew very little. My father had wanted to explain everything to me when I was older, but he didn’t get the chance. She said that he had been born in the early 1600s and that I was probably also going to have a very long life. I had to figure out most of it myself…”_

_Steve’s heart got strangely heavy as he met Peggy’s gentle eyes. “So you have no idea what his… your life expectancy is going to be like? You don’t know how old you are going to get?”_

_There was so much more to this question and they both knew it. “I… I don’t know… He died 1890 and I don’t remember him looking older than… I don’t know. 35? I simply don’t know, Peggy.”_

_“But your parents decided to get together and figure out a way to make it work. Right?”_

_Steve had never heard someone sounding so hope- and doubtful at the same time. Like Peggy wanted to hear him giving a certain answer although she already knew that she wouldn’t be able to believe it._

_“Yes, they tried.”_

_To say that the conversation and its implications weighed heavily on Steve would have been an understatement. Loki’s words suddenly seemed so much more real and too honest – almost cruel. But could the truth ever be cruel? Steve was 64 years old. He may not feel and not look like it, but the clock of his life would just keep ticking and there was no way of knowing for how long. His father might have known, but he did in an accident. Almost unbreakable skin didn’t mean your lungs didn’t need oxygen to breathe._

_If not for a horrific event that no one could foresee Steve would definitely outlive Peggy. A cruel thought that might have been more bearable if there had been the possibility of growing old together. The young and youthful face of his father seemed to be suddenly haunting him, an unforgiving glance into the future._

_These contemplations followed him every day and he still hadn’t come to any sort of conclusion when Howard invited him over to talk. Steve didn’t expect much, but a nice conversation with a friend when it should pretty much change the course his life was going to take._

_“Do you remember what he talked about shortly before you went to France? About what you should do about… being the way you are?”_

_One had to leave it to Howard, he got to the point very quickly after serving Steve a bottle of beer._

_“Yes, I remember not having a clue back then and it hasn’t changed till now.”_

_“Great, because I might have an idea. Actually it’s more of a job offer. Hear me out, because this is a once in a life opportunity. Even if one has a life as long as you do. My contract with the government just got renewed and I shouldn’t even tell you about this, but where is the fun in that? We got the necessary funds working on a new weapons project under a completely new agency. If you want to, I can get you in there. There is someone in there I consider trustworthy and if you feel comfortable and ready, we might, only might tell him about you. We could make sure that it stay confidential, but there would be ways to make you fit into the system. Job security. Legal documents that aren’t fakes. There would be no need to change constantly location. Only if you want to. I could arrange it. You don’t have to answer immediately. Just think about it. You are a good man, you would be doing good things. A win for everybody.”_

_Steve didn’t need to think very long._

_***_

Tony made a sound that was between a snort and a huff. It was oddly amusing since Steve could easily tell that Tony had no idea how to react to the new information. Howard had done something nice, something that had helped Steve on such an immense scale that it almost could not be measured. Anyhow, Tony didn’t seem ready to accept that, still searching for something selfish and ignorant. Something that would be hard to find.

“My father got you a place within the Feds. I don’t know to feel about that.”

“I can offer to tell you how I felt about it. It changed my life. In the best way. Not instantly, but permanently. I did not have to find ways to fool other people or to hide who I am. Sure, even today only one of my superiors actually knows, but that allows me to lead a mostly normal life. I regularly change units and once in a few decades I get a new birth certificate, but that’s it. I really cannot image what life would have been like without his help. You might have made different experiences. Perhaps he was another man as a father as a friend, but he helped me when he wouldn’t have had to.”

“Alright. My old man got you a career as a government agent and you made it your mission to find your former best friend turned criminal and nobody knows that you know each other and that he is a shapeshifter what makes him even more impressive than you. What the hell are you going to do when you’ve found him?”

That was the one question that Steve simply didn’t have an answer for. Maybe the explanation was as simple was wanting to sit down and finally talk to Loki again. To find out how he was doing, if he had been lonely.

If he was finally ready to tell Steve about himself.  


End file.
